Friday, May 23, 2014

Fly on the wall

This month has been oddly quiet, but there is a good chance our quiet is pretty different than yours...

Carter turned 1. That girl is fierce, and she waits for no one. I have parented 5 strong-willed children and none of them hold a candle to her. I told her the day that she was born that I would hold her hand while she takes over the world one breath at a time. She has held me to it.

She has quadrupled in weight. Quadrupled. She has also grown a foot in the past year. She is on the charts, finally, and she looks like a normal one year old- just a little runt. 
My birthday was on Mother's Day. I woke up to balloons with writing on them and notes inside thanking me. My girls set it all up, it was really sweet. Carter took 2 steps, she hasn't tried since. The real present was that the oldest girl, a permit driver, nearly totaled my car. Right out of our driveway. She rear ended the car in front of us so hard that she pushed that girl into the car in front of her. Some how our car wound up across the street in the neighbor's side yard heading for the utility pole. Fortunately she figured out the difference between the gas and brake. We live on the corner, so every person I have ever met drove past to witness us sitting there in my driveway with two other carfuls of people waiting on the officer to arrive. We looked like an episode of cops: horrible middle class driving edition. My cousin came over and fixed my un-drivable car, saving me about $600. The man was awesome in my book long before that, but that really reinforced his status.

Have you ever heard the saying you can't go wrong for a penny?

I will prove to you in the next 10 seconds it can..

My husband was tired of buying cheap handcuffs that broke before you got them inside. He had this idea to buy some real handcuffs off of eBay. I told him that I could think of a million ways it could go wrong. He answered, "you can't go wrong for a penny."

Add three dollars and seventy-seven cents of shipping and a few weeks, and the handcuffs came in. I watched the kids like a hawk keeping the key in my shoe until their flash wore off. I then threw them in the trash along with the key. Someone found the cuffs and took them out of the pail, neglecting to grab the key. That person left them sitting in the garage. Cam found them while we were packing the car to go to the middle boy's baseball game. On the way to the game a kid called out "mooooom". If you are a mom, you know that mom. When I said that mom, my brother was gonna get it. My stomach dropped. Turns out that he was going to have to walk through the ballpark dragging a handcuff from his ankle. If you were my Facebook friend you would have seen the pic and if you are really really nice and promise not to share it on you tube, I could send you the video.

One of the other coaches called a cop friend who called someone in the department we were in and they sent someone out. He couldn't pick the lock and told us to call the fire department. Fortunately, another officer close by had bolt cutters in his trunk and he cut them off.

The husband's birthday was just the other day. I don't think he appreciated my gift choices. A picture text and a phone call from a famous someone special.

That phone call may have been from The Bubble Guppies wishing him a Happy 12th Birthday, but it was from someone famous and special- to a 4 year old.
The picture text went like this:  I hope you weren't planning on wearing your shorts again. Cam ran out of toilet paper... Adding the picture sealed the deal of calling it a gift. He didn't appreciate that one either.


18 comments:

  1. OMG the handcuff story!!! Hilarious! Geez, I can't believe Carter is already a year old. She is such a beautiful girl!

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    1. thanks! it was pretty embarassing all the other moms were taking pictures and calling people with " you gotta hear this"...

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  2. Well, you sure took me on a roller coaster of emotions! Confusion and alarm: "My husband was tired of buying cheap handcuffs..." WTH? Sympathy for you AND your daughter - the car experience was no fun. And, of course, laughter (and maybe just a little disgust?) at the shorts/tp story. Keep 'em coming, you're awesome.

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  3. I echo the two comments above: I can't believe Carter is a year old already, and handcuffs?

    I laughed and laughed at the story of your daughter driving, but it was hysterical laughter, because I completely understand how it could have happened, having a 15 year old permit driver myself. The first time my husband took her out to drive, he said something to her about checking the mirrors and she said "What mirrors?" She is better about confusing the brake and the gas but stop signs are apparently invisible to her.

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    1. Lol. What mirrors :) I know I drove pretty bad, I just can't fathom that I was that bad. Her line is I got this... Yep you just got that car! Her first driving experience she took my whole driveway to park, and I have a three car garage. I had to back up several times just to straighten it out....

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  4. HAPPY Belated BIRTHDAY!!!!
    HUGS for the car accident!! Scary!!!
    Laughing at the handcuffs!!! OMG! So glad the officer had the bolt cutters!!!

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    1. thanks! Yes I am glad too, it would have been quite the scene having a fire engine pull up to a little league game...

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  5. No one runs a nut house quite like you. So glad you're back to posting, where else would I get handcuff stories to keep me giggling through the day.
    Hug and kiss that beautiful little Cupcake for me.

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    1. That is the truth. Thanks, I will give her one- she is a little you know what :) Just like we figured.

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  6. I can totally picture that handcuff incident having happened to my boys when they were kids!

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    1. lol. My husband was telling this and a few other early years stories to the kids principal today, he was laughing so hard he could barely stand...

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  7. That's not where I expected the handcuff story to go, but I'm glad it did, so it wasn't awkward or anything...

    Love it... love all of it! :)

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    1. HAHAHA! Your comment almost made me pee my pants. I'm lucky I went before I sat down or I would have an awkward moment explaining myself :)

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  8. Sorry about the accident. But man, that handcuff story was funny!!

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  9. You are totally right, your "quiet" is still blogworthy enough. So sorry about your car, and of course, I'm still grinning thinking of Cam in handcuffs. I totally want to be your FB friend :-) Happy birthday, Carter and hubby!

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  10. Happy belated Birthday! Mine falls on Mother's Day sometimes too! May9. Sorry about the car. That's a double whammy gift if I ever heard of one. The handcuff story was AWESOME, and just shared with my husband as warning. That warning coming with the birthday shorts story and a promise of worse, should similar handcuffs make it in to our home. You are the greatest!!! ❤️❤️❤️😘😘😘😘😘💃

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