Friday, October 18, 2013

October Fly on the Wall

This month's version of Karen's genius Fly on the Wall Series. I call it a series because like a reality tv series, you get to see little bits and pieces of our everyday lives.

Grab your beverage of choice and "watch" my bad reality tv and check out the others, chances are you will file them under one of your guilty pleasures...


Me- the chubby Amy Duncan
1-teen girl
2-tween girl
3-9 year old boy
4-6 year old boy HFM
5-5 year old boy
Carter- sweet little baby girl

If you notice they others don't have cute little descriptions, because at the writing of this they may or may not be on my shit list OR I may or may not have forgotten about this until the last minute, its my job to keep you guessing....

We took the kids to the pumpkin patch, 3 was acting like a total shart. I told him to sit on the ground in time out, he refused so I took him to the car to leave along with 2 and Carter. On our way out he started saying "please don't hit me" and looking around and telling people "she's gonna kill me". Granted this kid has had less than 5 spankings in his whole 9 3/4 years of existance and all of them have circled some life threatening event, such as running into the street as a car was coming, running off at the Cardinal's stadium and trying to hail a cab in the city. Anyway, I looked at him straight in the eye and said "you are so lucky I don't believe in child abuse", a dad that was watching gave me a high five as I passed and said he would have lost it already. I have never been so embarassed in my life, and we all know how ridiculous my kids can be and they prefer an audience...

At 2's school event, she was getting a little mouthy. I told her to get her shit together or I would shake my fat in front of ALL her friends. She STFU really fast....

4, I would like to refer to him as the "hot effing mess" of the family, called me from school in tears because he dropped his library book somewhere. I figured he forgot it like all of the finished homework he doesn't pack. I went looking, in my pajamas, while all the other kids were walking to school and sure enough the HFM of the family had dropped his book, the paper that goes with the book, the drink from his lunch box, and TWO jackets in a trail to the school parking lot. We live exactly 47 seconds walking distance from our front door to the schools front door...HFM uses my sanity as his personal target practice...

While 5 and I were watching some people singing on the news he looks up at the tv and says "excuse me while I get my earplugs".... a kid after my own heart, not that I am picking favorites or anything.....

I took a diaper sewing class, which was a story in itself, but somehow it came into the conversation that the teacher carries a gun. I am pretty anti gun, but being the intelligent person I am chose to go with a sarcastic remark than WTF you have a gun in your pocket, it went a little like this... "It's a good thing you have that gun, what if someone took this place hostage. They would never know you were back here. You could sneak out front like a ninja because nobody thinks a grandma at a fabric store has a gun." Being myself, cmpletely dry and holding a straight face, she thought I was dead serious and said " I never thought of that, you're right." I am still shaking my head...

Since the last time you stopped by, number 1 turned 15, which means that she is elligible to get her learner's permit. We can't find her birth certificate so she didn't go and then she injured her knee so three more weeks until she starts begging. The thought of her behind the wheel gives me nervous diarrhea...

Carter made it through her first cold without any major problems, the kid gets pretty pissed when her nose is stuffy and she yells and hits at it. We will have to work on that.

I have oficially raised a spoiled baby...She was fussing in her seat, I got the baby wrap out and she started to giggle. It is apparent who is in charge of this whole operation....

5 and I were watching one of his shows and I pointed out that the character had a baby sister just like him. Here is the response I got : "This is a tv show mom, it's not real. Those are characters. Those are actors. They pretend to be those people". Uhhh. I asked like Santa? "No. Mom.  He is real".... Burn...

On the next episode you will see the shitstorm of when number 1 found out her dad was one of the chaperones at her first high school dance, see ya next time :)

On that note, I will leave you folks with the rest of your guilty pleasure...

Karen   Meg   Shelly   Stacy   Sarah   Marcia   Christine  Starr   Dawn   The next Blogger Idol  ShayTrashy and Last but not Least   Dates2Diapers

Take a look around at these ladies, get to know their families and set your DVR and grab that Pino and Milano cookies and enjoy....


Oh and GO CARDS!!!







Thursday, October 17, 2013

Stop the Stupid: Bitching about the Cards

Now that the St. Louis Cardinals are coming closer to another shot at winning the World Series people all over the nation are speaking out about the Cardinals and St. Louis in general. While I don't hate or love St. Louis, it is my home so I am breaking out a Stop the Stupid for this.

Let's get this straight. I love the Cards. My family loves the Cards. I can count on one hand the number of Card games we miss every summer. I have 4 kids in baseball or softball, I have one in volleyball and an infant. We plan events and games around Cardinal's baseball. I delivered a baby 9 days before a game that I was supposed to take my tween girl to, and you bet your butt I made it, even after being on hospital bed rest for almost 6 weeks. Out of breath and exhausted emotionally and physically, I squeezed my swollen sausaged hind end into a pair of jeans and a Cardinals tee and walked half of a mile from the car to the seats.

I love the Cards.

Everyone says that we (Card's fans) brag that we are the best fans in baseball. Maybe we are, maybe we aren't. But let's look into this a little further...

We as people feel that what we have is best. And it is for us. For example, when you crap you can stand the smell. If your friend in the neighboring stall took a deuce  of the same odor level you may start dry heaving and have a seizure on the bathroom floor. It is not any different than the horrendous stank that came from your nethers, but it is yours so you can stand it. Don't get me wrong, sometimes there is a What  did I eat moment, but overall you think your stink is better than Diarrhea Dan's next door. It's just natural.

Now that you understand this, let me help you remove that wicked stick from your butt because clearly someone shoved it up there....Or if you are feeling really kind, rescind your posts.

Apparently people also hate the city itself. I have read so many articles on how fantastic the city of St. Louis is, I am not head over heels but at the same time I am not vigilante hateful about it. I love parts and then there are others that, well....are the ugly cousin. But just like family you take the good with the bad because its yours.

St. Louis and the Cardinals are like my family. The Cards are like your cool cousin, the one that left the liquor cabinet unlocked that week you house sat when you were 17. So before you judge the city solely on the ugly cousin, remember that your cousin Barry may have shown up to the family picture with his gums flapping because he dropped his teeth in the toilet before he left that morning. That cousin Meg dropped 250 pounds and you may have hit on her or that Grandpa is reliving the days of Nam and has taken cover under a grocery cart more than once.

I would rather stand behind the cool uncle than the recently divorced aunt who has enough silicone in her body to seal the bathtub and wears stilettos to the pool.

In case you aren't sure, wearing stilettos to the pool is just plain stupid.

If nothing I have said has caused a change of heart, just remember that the majority of America's most embarrassing moments AKA horrible reality TV did not originate in St. Louis or Missouri. Maybe you should come to the STL and lets have some drinks on my patio and watch a game with me, you bring the drinks and a background check, I bet you will change your mind about the Cards...

 Oh and Albert, this Cards fan does not hate you for leaving us... If I had a job offer like that I wouldn't even pack, I would say "peace out girl scouts" and buy all new stuff....Thanks for all you did in the Lou.