Friday, August 23, 2013

This month's edition of fly on the wall....

Karen's brainchild. My family. Grab an adult beverage, you may need it...

Who we are:

1- girl almost 15, thinks she rules the world

2- girl 11, she is a bookworm and loves kids

3- boy of 10, obsessed with baseball and aggravating the masses

4- boy of 6, he has colorful vocab and he has a major part in all the shenanagans in the household

5- he is my cute, funny raspy voiced 4 year old with a Sean Connery accent

Baby Carter- a sweet little girl with farts that can make a grown man cry.

* 5: I'm a real man now, I have grown man breath...
Me: you are aware real men do the dishes, right...
5: oh, I forgot. I'm a little boy. A really little boy. I just counted wrong.

* I thought I had a genius plan, I told #1, that she could have a boyfriend only IF he was a) foreign AND b) played baseball. Enter the International games at the ballfields 2/3 of my kids play at. It took #3, who went over to this Aussie boy to say my sister is cute come meet her but, she met a boy who fit the criteria that I thought was unreachable. That's ok his wiener is 9K miles away. Good try, mate...

* #4 was shoveling his food into his trap and subsequently choked. I had to do the heimlich on him. The food popped out he turned around and looked me straight in the face and said you almost killed me. I wanted to finish that off with a swift kick in the butt but I pulled up my big girl panties and told him "you act like crap, you clean crap", and handed him a rag. I can't tell that kid enough how lucky he is I don't believe in child abuse....

The baby, well, she's cute but her backside isn't. We will call her farts "special". Well, sometimes when she has a special, it smells so bad that she cries. Not a wimper, or a growl, a full out wail. My husband got the receiving end of one while she was naked about to go into the bath and he said "it makes my eyes water". So yes, folks, a baby's fart can make a grown man cry...

While waiting in the HS parking lot to pick up 1 from volleyball practice we overheard a convo between two girls. They were saying soandso must be in trouble because they were running laps... 4 yells as loud as he can "I pity the fool, I pity the fool". The girl got into her car so fast she nearly smashed her legs. He scared the crap out of her. She looked at me and I acted like nothing happened, and she started looking around. Then she was really scared...It was HIL.Arious!

5 and Grandma brought home donuts... He informed me he had brought home a long johnson for me...

I fell in love, ridonk love with Maxi skirts. I have sewn a few and wear them all the time. We walked to VB practice to pick her up and she stayed far back. I asked her why. Apparently one of those judgemental  mean girls was making fun of me for looking like a Duggar- which I don't, but I made sure to walk past that snooty little b and ask where her shorts were...

Here are the other contenders, go have a look-see and tell Karen she is a doll for putting this together once again.

Baking In a Tornado   Just a Little Nutty   Shellybean  Stacy Sews and Schools   Sadder But Wiser

Meno Momma   Moore Orgainzed Mayhem   Sleepy Bard   The Momisodes    Spatulas on Parade

Rowdy Baker    Dates 2 Diapers   Trashy Blog   Barbara &1923

Squee I am so excited, I love these gals and I can't wait to read a few newbies :)

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Sorry kid, your mom doesn't play well with others: The all about me letter my kids teacher should rec...

In the spirit of the first day of school, I am reposting this. It is the About Me letter that my sons's teacher should receive...


Sorry kid, your mom doesn't play well with others: The all about me letter my kids teacher should rec...: The worst thing about back to school besides the early mornings, homework and all that stupid paperwork is the "about me" assignme...