Friday, July 26, 2013

Fly on the wall...

If you were a fly on the wall in my house, you would see that we are just a normal family with a few extra kids and about 10 decibels louder than the house next door. We laugh a lot, we have quite a colorful vocabulary and we have a whole lotta laundry...

The boys left the back door open and were playing outside of the yard so I locked them inside and went out to rub it in... They started pressing their butts up against the window.

5- the cute raspy voice 4 year old came downstairs to inform me that he was "living the single life", I just gave him a congratulatory head nod...

I told 5 to go out to the garage and find a carseat... He started crying and told me he was too little to dodge bird-pellets. I reassured him that the bird had bad aim.... oh btw a bird lives in our garage, the jerk is late on rent....

Baby girl scratched herself in the face and looked at me like Mom, how could you?!?

Teen girl put mitts on the baby and she said "that was a look. A look like you just saw your grandpa's butt after walking in on him in the shower"...I'm filing that under things I just don't want to know about...

The 6yo boy was telling a story about who knows what and the 4yo boy looks at him and says matter of factly you're making up stories... And he probaly was

The 9yo boy was playing in a wood bat tourney against a ten year old team. G threw 4 people out in 14 pitches. Yea, I said 4 people, someone got on because of the third dropped strike rule...I woke up the next day with no voice, and I still hate the third dropped strike rule...if you wanted to know

I went to take a shower and realized that we didn't have clean towels, so I saw one hanging up. I looked over every square inch and waved it in front of my face to see if it smelled like buttcrack before I dried off...classy right?!? Shut up, you have done it too... Ok, you may have been camping... whatever folks, let's just move on...

There was a "sighting" of a person in the house. 4 heard it behind him. 2 "saw" it, with a decent description. After checking the house and seeing there was a few odd things out of place but nobody that I actually saw, I loaded the kids in the car and walked upstairs with a big knife where he was "seen" and said.. You have 15 minutes to get what you want and get out, or you will be cut... Upon talking to my friend she told the kids about a house blessing.  The kids were mad we didn't go to church and I was contemplating a gun, not that I would be willing to use it buuut everyone looks like they will have your head with a gun. I told them over and over we couldn't get our house blessed because I have yet to find a church that I like. (I want something specific and I will not settle) So I did it. I took the plunge... You are now reading the rhetoric of "Minister Mom" and there has not been a sighting since...

If you were a fly on my wall you would have seen me sleep 2.5 hours every day because some little stink thinks the skies lie when it is dark, you may have quietly noted that this broad drinks entirely too much caffeine OR you may be like...we need to be neighbors, in which, the house next door is for sale...

Thank You Karen for pulling this together. You, my friend, are awesome...
These are the other peeps opening their windows for you to sneak in. Click away folks..

Baking in a Tornado   Just a little nutty   Follow Me Home  Stacy Sews and Schools  The Sadder but Wiser Girl  Meno Mamma   Moore Organized Mayhem  The Insomniac's Dream The Momisodes  Spatulas on Parade  The Rowdy Baker

Some of these gals are my faves... I may send them pics and confessions via twitter, pour my heart out to them via emal or stalk them through my private Facebook account, either way these folks are amazing, go read, I'm going to be busy planning my Sunday morning living room mass....











Wednesday, July 10, 2013

My submission for mother of the year...

I rarely lose it with the kids. When I do 130% of the time it's over them not cleaning up after themselves.

Number 3. Oh number 3, he and I butt heads more than any of the kids combined. He is the perfect kid for everyone BUT me. He even kisses his dad's butt. He was told probably 15 times from 10 am on to put his baseball crap in the garage. He told me no at least 12 times. He would do every chore I gave him EXCEPT move that bag. The fight was on, my friends.

Finally at 4pm there was movement on the bag. He moved it from the front room to the laundry room, which is less than 2 steps from the garage. 2 whole steps, because 2 steps will clearly put you over the edge. 2 steps. 2. T to the WO. 2....

I lost it. I yelled. I cursed. I told him since he took his time to put the bag away, I was going to take my sweet  time taking him to his game tonight. I believe there was an I'm just so tired of this and possibly a mention of him living a life of crime and women hating happened. It was ridiculous. Tempers should not have been lost.

The building of the anger from the stupid crap of the day. The feeding the baby slushie, to the pee on the floor. It all came rushing back.

The next moment I stepped on a sandwich. It was really over. I yelled-that is it you guys can sit in your own squalor, I'm taking Carter and staying in a hotel tonight. 3 is crying, 5 is crying, 4 yelled I go with mom...

Then 5 poked me in the back and held up my phone. He answered it, it was a parent from the baseball team, he heard the whole thing. I'm the coach's wife. I made quite the impression. I bet he's not going to call for a play date or private coaching again.

It's just my luck, I lost it AND I had an audience. I'm sure he's already called my husband. Fabulous. Unlesss... He warns the husband and tells him to show up with a bottle of wine to pad my horrible day... Ha yeah we all know that won't happen...

So excuse me while I completely ignore the ridiculous mess, drown my day in a Diet Coke and a king size Caramello bar and try not to do such a craptastic job at this parenting gig again tomorrow....