Thursday, October 17, 2013

Stop the Stupid: Bitching about the Cards

Now that the St. Louis Cardinals are coming closer to another shot at winning the World Series people all over the nation are speaking out about the Cardinals and St. Louis in general. While I don't hate or love St. Louis, it is my home so I am breaking out a Stop the Stupid for this shit.

Let's get this straight. I love the Cards. My family loves the Cards. I can count on one hand the number of Card games we miss every summer. I have 4 kids in baseball or softball, I have one in volleyball and an infant. We plan events and games around Cardinal's baseball. I delivered a baby 9 days before a game that I was supposed to take my tween girl to, and you bet your sweet ass I made it, even after being on hospital bed rest for almost 6 weeks. Out of breath and exhausted emotionally and physically, I squeezed my swollen sausaged ass into a pair of jeans and a Cardinals tee and walked half of a mile from the car to the seats. I love the Cards.

Everyone says that we (Card's fans) brag that we are the best fans in baseball. Maybe we are, maybe we aren't. But let's look into this a little further...

We as people feel that what we have is best. And it is for us. For example, when you crap you can stand the smell. If your friend in the neighboring stall took a shit of the same odor level you may start dry heaving and have a seizure on the bathroom floor. It is not any different than the horrendous stank that came from your nethers, but it is yours so you prefer the smell, or at the very least can stand it. Don't get me wrong, sometimes there is a What the fuuuu did I eat moment, but overall you think your shit is better than Diarrhea Dan's next door. It's just natural. Now that you understand this, let me help you remove that wicked stick from your ass because clearly someone shoved it up there....Or if you are feeling really kind, rescind your posts.

Apparently people also hate the city itself. I have read so many articles on how fantastic the city of St. Louis is, I am not head over heels but at the same time I am not vigilante hateful about it. I love parts and then there are others that, well....are the ugly cousin. But just like family you take the good with the bad because its yours.

St. Louis and the Cardinals are like my family. The Cards are like your cool cousin, the one that left the liquor cabinet unlocked that week you house sat when you were 17. So before you judge the city solely on the ugly cousin, remember that your cousin Barry may have shown up to the family picture with his gums flapping because he dropped his teeth in the crapper before he left that morning. That cousin Meg dropped 250 pounds and you may have hit on her or that Grandpa is reliving the days of Nam and has taken cover under a grocery cart more than once.

I would rather stand behind the cool uncle than the recently divorced aunt who has enough silicone in her body to seal the bathtub and wears stilettos to the pool. In case you aren't sure, wearing stilettos to the pool is just plain stupid. If nothing I have said has caused a change of heart, just remember that the majority of America's most embarrassing moments AKA shitty reality TV did not originate in St. Louis or Missouri. Maybe you should come to the STL and lets have some drinks on my patio and watch a game with me, you bring the drinks and a background check, I bet you will change your mind about the Cards...

 Oh and Albert, this Cards fan does not hate you for leaving us... If I had a job offer like that I wouldn't even pack, I would say "peace out bitches" and buy all new shit....Thanks for all you did in the Lou.




6 comments:

  1. Damn skippy! I knew you'd rock that shit out!

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  2. I loved this!! We love baseball in this family. Season ticket holders when we lived in Phoenix. But our hearts are with the Giants and Red Sox. My daughter was 5 days old when she attended her first Padre game. First of many until we moved out of San Diego.

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  3. Love this post! You have a awesome way at putting things! :D

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  4. We love love baseball too we watch other teams too. Even non-pro. We have a club baseball organization that has a few teams. It's an amazing sport!

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  5. I grew up with box seats to all the Red Sox games. Last time we were home we sat in a luxury box (and sat there again for a Police concert), my kids got to try on a World Series ring and the JumboTron welcomed them by name. My point is, when you have pride in a city and/or a team, you're the richer for getting to experience the pride and the fun of it all. Anyone who puts that down isn't worth your time. They're missing out on the fun and that's their problem.

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