Friday, October 18, 2013

October Fly on the Wall

This month's version of Karen's genius Fly on the Wall Series. I call it a series because like a reality tv series, you get to see little bits and pieces of our everyday lives.

Grab your beverage of choice and "watch" my bad reality tv and check out the others, chances are you will file them under one of your guilty pleasures...

Me- the chubby Amy Duncan
1-teen girl
2-tween girl
3-9 year old boy
4-6 year old boy HFM
5-5 year old boy
Carter- sweet little baby girl

If you notice they others don't have cute little descriptions, because at the writing of this they may or may not be on my shit list OR I may or may not have forgotten about this until the last minute, its my job to keep you guessing....

We took the kids to the pumpkin patch, 3 was acting like a total shart. I told him to sit on the ground in time out, he refused so I took him to the car to leave along with 2 and Carter. On our way out he started saying "please don't hit me" and looking around and telling people "she's gonna kill me". Granted this kid has had less than 5 spankings in his whole 9 3/4 years of existance and all of them have circled some life threatening event, such as running into the street as a car was coming, running off at the Cardinal's stadium and trying to hail a cab in the city. Anyway, I looked at him straight in the eye and said "you are so lucky I don't believe in child abuse", a dad that was watching gave me a high five as I passed and said he would have lost it already. I have never been so embarassed in my life, and we all know how ridiculous my kids can be and they prefer an audience...

At 2's school event, she was getting a little mouthy. I told her to get her shit together or I would shake my fat in front of ALL her friends. She STFU really fast....

4, I would like to refer to him as the "hot effing mess" of the family, called me from school in tears because he dropped his library book somewhere. I figured he forgot it like all of the finished homework he doesn't pack. I went looking, in my pajamas, while all the other kids were walking to school and sure enough the HFM of the family had dropped his book, the paper that goes with the book, the drink from his lunch box, and TWO jackets in a trail to the school parking lot. We live exactly 47 seconds walking distance from our front door to the schools front door...HFM uses my sanity as his personal target practice...

While 5 and I were watching some people singing on the news he looks up at the tv and says "excuse me while I get my earplugs".... a kid after my own heart, not that I am picking favorites or anything.....

I took a diaper sewing class, which was a story in itself, but somehow it came into the conversation that the teacher carries a gun. I am pretty anti gun, but being the intelligent person I am chose to go with a sarcastic remark than WTF you have a gun in your pocket, it went a little like this... "It's a good thing you have that gun, what if someone took this place hostage. They would never know you were back here. You could sneak out front like a ninja because nobody thinks a grandma at a fabric store has a gun." Being myself, cmpletely dry and holding a straight face, she thought I was dead serious and said " I never thought of that, you're right." I am still shaking my head...

Since the last time you stopped by, number 1 turned 15, which means that she is elligible to get her learner's permit. We can't find her birth certificate so she didn't go and then she injured her knee so three more weeks until she starts begging. The thought of her behind the wheel gives me nervous diarrhea...

Carter made it through her first cold without any major problems, the kid gets pretty pissed when her nose is stuffy and she yells and hits at it. We will have to work on that.

I have oficially raised a spoiled baby...She was fussing in her seat, I got the baby wrap out and she started to giggle. It is apparent who is in charge of this whole operation....

5 and I were watching one of his shows and I pointed out that the character had a baby sister just like him. Here is the response I got : "This is a tv show mom, it's not real. Those are characters. Those are actors. They pretend to be those people". Uhhh. I asked like Santa? "No. Mom.  He is real".... Burn...

On the next episode you will see the shitstorm of when number 1 found out her dad was one of the chaperones at her first high school dance, see ya next time :)

On that note, I will leave you folks with the rest of your guilty pleasure...

Karen   Meg   Shelly   Stacy   Sarah   Marcia   Christine  Starr   Dawn   The next Blogger Idol  ShayTrashy and Last but not Least   Dates2Diapers

Take a look around at these ladies, get to know their families and set your DVR and grab that Pino and Milano cookies and enjoy....

Oh and GO CARDS!!!


  1. I'm totally stealing "uses my sanity as his personal target practice..."

    Couldn't stop laughing at the diaper sewing class teacher. Yikes, a gun and no sense of humor. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

    And I LOVE your link to the next blogger idol.


  2. What the hell is a diaper sewing class?? I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that one.I love, love, LOVE these stories about your kids!! #3 is a trip---watch out--he's following the same path as my 17 yr. old. And you know what that means....

    1. Oh dear
      Diaper sewing class, its a class that teaches you to sew diapers. I had sewed them for my other kids but lost the pattern I had when the computer crashed and I wanted the one that came in the book that went with the class and was cheaper to take the class anyway. My mom bought it for my birthday...

    Note to self - ask crazy aunt if she now teaches a diaper sewing class... ;)

  4. You gave a grandma a reason to use her gun! I wonder if she packs ninja throwing stars. I love that you said "It's a good thing I don't believe in child abuse". I usually pull the kids into the car with a smile, put my seatbelt on (for self restraint) and start screaming at the top of my lungs. It's best for everyone around. When adults walk by the car, they just nod with that knowing look. Parenting is hard, man. Cheers to your Cardinals! I thought our Tigers were going to make it, but they are cowering to the Red Sox. Ack.

    1. I don't know, when Tigers get it they get it... I have been watching both the NLS and the ALS and I have seen some good Tiger action...
      Gun stitchin granny was at least nice, but of course she always stood next to the girl beside me so the damn thing was a little close for comfort....Oh and your cmment posted twice so I deleted one, If you see something that says your comment was deleted you know why!

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  6. I don't know why you guys are surprised about a gun-toting diaper class teacher. Have you ever Googled Diaper Party? I did (in all innocence, trying to set up a baby shower) and there are some real freaks out there. You never KNOW who might show up for a class like that!
    And I'm not usually mean-spirited about children, but I had to laugh at Carter hitting her own nose when she had a cold. Makes me snicker. Great post!

  7. Oooooh, an almost driver huh? Sending you condolences and lots and lots of alcohol...

  8. Diaper sewing class gun toting teacher say whut? LOL
    Wonders never cease

    1. It was ridiculous... Sometimes I wish I had a hidden camera...Punked: Real Life

  9. You are so amazing! I just laughed out loud so many... no, pretty much the whole time. Thank you for reminding me that I will somehow find a way to make light of HFMes that fill the days of motherhood. You are my mommy hero.

  10. I love when kids want an audience... I gave one to my youngest one day when she was acting up... I raised my voice in the store... she was like mama...quiet down... I said no... I am 50 and I don't care what other people think... she has since thought better of acting up in a store ... lol

  11. I have some favorite bloggers, sure, but there's nowhere else on the Interwebs you get gems like this:

    "I took a diaper sewing class, which was a story in itself, but somehow it came into the conversation that the teacher carries a gun."

    Nope. Google it. No one else but you. Love it. And Amy Duncan has nothing on you.

    Go Sox! (That's Marie's team, and because my team, the Rockies, is allergic to postseason, I have to live vicariously).