Friday, July 26, 2013

Fly on the wall...

If you were a fly on the wall in my house, you would see that we are just a normal family with a few extra kids and about 10 decibels louder than the house next door. We laugh a lot, we have quite a colorful vocabulary and we have a whole lotta laundry...

The boys left the back door open and were playing outside of the yard so I locked them inside and went out to rub it in... They started pressing their butts up against the window.

5- the cute raspy voice 4 year old came downstairs to inform me that he was "living the single life", I just gave him a congratulatory head nod...

I told 5 to go out to the garage and find a carseat... He started crying and told me he was too little to dodge bird-pellets. I reassured him that the bird had bad aim.... oh btw a bird lives in our garage, the jerk is late on rent....

Baby girl scratched herself in the face and looked at me like Mom, how could you?!?

Teen girl put mitts on the baby and she said "that was a look. A look like you just saw your grandpa's butt after walking in on him in the shower"...I'm filing that under things I just don't want to know about...

The 6yo boy was telling a story about who knows what and the 4yo boy looks at him and says matter of factly you're making up stories... And he probaly was

The 9yo boy was playing in a wood bat tourney against a ten year old team. G threw 4 people out in 14 pitches. Yea, I said 4 people, someone got on because of the third dropped strike rule...I woke up the next day with no voice, and I still hate the third dropped strike rule...if you wanted to know

I went to take a shower and realized that we didn't have clean towels, so I saw one hanging up. I looked over every square inch and waved it in front of my face to see if it smelled like buttcrack before I dried off...classy right?!? Shut up, you have done it too... Ok, you may have been camping... whatever folks, let's just move on...

There was a "sighting" of a person in the house. 4 heard it behind him. 2 "saw" it, with a decent description. After checking the house and seeing there was a few odd things out of place but nobody that I actually saw, I loaded the kids in the car and walked upstairs with a big knife where he was "seen" and said.. You have 15 minutes to get what you want and get out, or you will be cut... Upon talking to my friend she told the kids about a house blessing.  The kids were mad we didn't go to church and I was contemplating a gun, not that I would be willing to use it buuut everyone looks like they will have your head with a gun. I told them over and over we couldn't get our house blessed because I have yet to find a church that I like. (I want something specific and I will not settle) So I did it. I took the plunge... You are now reading the rhetoric of "Minister Mom" and there has not been a sighting since...

If you were a fly on my wall you would have seen me sleep 2.5 hours every day because some little stink thinks the skies lie when it is dark, you may have quietly noted that this broad drinks entirely too much caffeine OR you may be like...we need to be neighbors, in which, the house next door is for sale...

Thank You Karen for pulling this together. You, my friend, are awesome...
These are the other peeps opening their windows for you to sneak in. Click away folks..

Baking in a Tornado   Just a little nutty   Follow Me Home  Stacy Sews and Schools  The Sadder but Wiser Girl  Meno Mamma   Moore Organized Mayhem  The Insomniac's Dream The Momisodes  Spatulas on Parade  The Rowdy Baker

Some of these gals are my faves... I may send them pics and confessions via twitter, pour my heart out to them via emal or stalk them through my private Facebook account, either way these folks are amazing, go read, I'm going to be busy planning my Sunday morning living room mass....











29 comments:

  1. Awesome, awesome, awesome! You have a houseful of entertainment, don't you? Freaky about the house "visitor" though.

    P.S. We SHOULD be neighbors!

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  2. I can't tell you how much I missed laughing at . . .I mean WITH you and your family.

    And once again I find myself wishing I was even HALF as funny as you are.

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    1. HA! Thanks, I am starting to get back into the swing of things. Thanks for inviting me :)

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  3. I am so glad to hear that my boys aren't the only ones who press their genitals up against windows . . . and other things. . .

    -The Insomniacs Dream

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  4. ROFLMBO!!! This was HILARIOUS! LOVED IT!! :D

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  5. The bird in your garage sounds like a gang member. They seem to have bad aim, too, spraying bullets everywhere but their intended target.

    That 4 year old boy is a wise kid.

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    1. True story... That bird crapped all over my beer fridge. That is not ok...

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  6. After kid #2 I think we all smell towels first. When you share a bathroom with 7 people one must take precautions. ;)
    Loved it!

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  7. This is too funny--I've always loved hearing about the weird stuff that happens at your house. The towel thing...what IS IT about men putting their ass cracks on clean towels? I've even tried to hide a clean towel just for me to use, but they always find it and smell it up. Pretty soon I'll have to use little squares of paper towels with extra absorbency to dry off from the shower.

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    1. Haha... when that stuff gets wet it cements so you better get pretty choosy about where you want to be dry :)

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  8. Minister Mom,
    I've missed you so much! Looking for a towel that doesn't ahem, smell is always going on here.
    Put questionnaires in the house for sale. You NEED neighbors that will laugh with you, or at least ones that you can laugh at.
    The intruder, on the other hand is unacceptable. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

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    1. I've had neighbors that I can laugh at, that didn't work out- I have a hard time hiding my feelings and if you are stupid in front of my face I can't help but laugh and probably pee my pants too...

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  9. OMG!! Best Post Ever!!! I was cracking up so much!!! And I think we do need to be neighbors!!!

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  10. He's living the single life? THAT is hilarious!

    I've done the towel thing more times than I care to admit! If it don't stink USE IT!

    Oh Ashley if we were neighbors that would be the greatest thing evah! ;-) Thanks for sharing the craziness with us!

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    1. Thanks Sarah, that kid- he is something. He is secretly my favorite...

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  11. I believe I would so love to be your neighbor because our houses seem to both have a large amount of chaos, and you and I would be provided with hours of endless entertainment just watching through each others windows, not in the creepy stalkerish unwanted visitor type way though, just in the... I've had a little much to drink, so let me peer mindlessly in your windows type way LOL!!!
    LOVED THIS POST!
    Kimbra

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    1. Hahaha! Be careful peeking in my friend, my neighbors who have tried that while walking by have gotten an eyeful, and they have never attempted it twice....

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  12. I shotgun the house next door. End of story.

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    1. Oh shit... I can't imagine the trouble they all could cause- sitcom writers would be busting down the doors...

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  13. I read this whole thing, while wondering why I hadn't discovered you yet. Luckily I found out that I follow you on twitter, so I'm not a complete waste of time. I will not be missing your posts ever again.

    I call the house next door if anyone else falls through. I may up my bid just to play dirty.

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  14. I've never read about so many ballsacks in one post before LOL. My kids would love this! For some reason it's my 12 & 8yr old word of the month. Too funny. Loved the post but freaked out about that visitor. I think I might have wanted to move instead of being your neighbor. :)

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  15. You should practice your aim on that bird in the garage.

    I think that if a post and its comments has the word ballsack in it four or more times, Google puts it on a special list.

    Oops.

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  16. Love it. these posts make me want to have kids too so I can tell so many lovely funny stories *sad*, lol.
    Will be joining this month and can't wait for it *dancing*

    Barbara
    www.barbara1923.com
    Lagos, Nigeria

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