Tuesday, April 16, 2013

I failed, miserably...

I never fail at anything, my kids think I have a parenting fail daily, but they overreact. So when I started failing tests you can be assured I'm not handling it well...

I have kept pretty quiet about what's going on. About 24 hours after I got out of the hospital last time, I had to go back in with another bleed. That one stopped and they told me I wasn't going home pregnant. I cried all day, was devistated and couldn't think of anything worse than being away from the kiddos for the next several weeks.

I was sad I couldn't spend those last few months with 5, his last months being THE baby. I can't pick out my own baby stuff. I don't get to have the kids lay on my belly and laugh at the baby kicking them. I can't prepare a nursery. I can't take the kids outside and have them paint my belly... But I can do my best go have a healthy baby, that's all I can do....

That type of thinking was wrong. I had another big bleed that night that wouldn't stop. They sent the Children's Hospital transport team to pick me up and take me to the adult hospital attached to the children's hospital to potentially deliver. It got really really real. They put in an extra iv to prepare for a transfusion and I had magnesium which screws you up entirely. You essentially feel like crap on fire with a bag over your head. Worst medicine ever. That stopped my contractions and bleeding. I escaped doom!

I hated the idea of being so far away from my kids and that now I can't see them everyday. My first night there were two scuffles in the hallway. I posted to my Facebook page they need Maury on call.

I finally got sent to the antepartum unit. While I was there some strange man walked into my room with a newspaper and went toward the bathroom. I asked if I could help him and he said he was in the wrong room. Really?!? He seriously was going into a random, what he thought was empty, room to take a dump. You have got to be kidding me! Well the stay in Apu didn't last long, one night with a view and then another bleed/abruption. Again with the fire with a bag over your head. Bleeding stopped, all was good, except I had a lingering headache and I couldn't see. My vision was so blurry that I couldn't see past arm length in front of me. I was terrified. It's almost all back, no clue what it was. Neuro came in, and I guess I'm getting a formal photo shoot..

I did have a fun test, an ultrasound. Looks like the feisty one is in fact a fat baby, well a good sized baby. So she will be a cutie! Not a scrawny Ethiopian debutaunt that I will push cheeseburgers on eternally...

So I failed my 24 hour urine, which they made me pee in the jug for two tests. If my sons knew they would be jealous. There is only one rule in my car : Never trust a rogue container. When we drove from Stl to NY the hubs taught the boys to relieve themselves in cups. Unfortunately, the talent has not been abandoned.

I also failed my glucose test, by about a hundred points. So the mud  I drank yesterday was like thick orange soda. Today for my three hour it is like melted jelly beans with a touch of Robitussin.. nasty.

That's the update, I feel like a pin cushion and I am fairly certain I am allergic to my placenta. Every single test I've failed is because of a problem with the placenta. I am no scientist or genius- well I can tell who went on the seat by position of drops, color of drops and the distinct smell of the urine. So I am no moron folk's, but the docs aren't buying the allergic bologna....


  1. How terrifying!!!

    I'm so glad you're all right. You're in my thoughts. <3

  2. Hang in there... it will be so worth it when you hold your baby for the first time. Ugh, what us Mom's go through to have babies, ya know?!!

  3. You have not failed. Not even close. You're almost at 29 weeks. You've suffered and endured constant pain, and that little girl is still in there growing. Your strength and determination is why you'll be sharing this story on her birthday for years to come. I'm here if you need me, you know that. XO

  4. I'm so sorry you are going through all of this Ashley. You are in my thoughts! Hang in there my friend!

  5. effing sucks. hang in there.

  6. Hang in there, I am sorry you are having such a rough time, but I admire your strength

  7. Dang, you've had a rough time! Hang in there... I'm sorry things have been so difficult.

  8. I've been pretty good at failing medical tests, too. Keep looking for the silver linings. Thinking about you and continuing to send warm, fuzzy thoughts your way.

  9. Man, Ashley. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. You can do this, you are one strong Jeff-co B**ch. saying a prayer for you and your little one.

  10. Oh my goodness! You poor thing! And especially having to keep it all together for your other kiddos. Your strength awes me, and so many prayers coming your way...