Friday, February 8, 2013

Wiping Memories...a secret subject swap

 I rejoined Karen's secret subject swap again. My subject is If you could wipe a memory from a loved one's mind what would it be. So I know what Miss Josie is trying to do here, I wasn't born yesterday. She wants me to divulge some embarassing/horrific story about my past or wants me to make her cry with a sad sad story. Although I have the ability to make people cry, I generally reserve that right for my children. Let's face it when they act like assholes hearing them cry because they are sorry is music to your ears- don't lie you smirk over the win too.

Since I like to keep things light and fun around here and I want you to have the opportunity to look in on a vacation you never want to be on, and still be at least slightly entertained.  I am going to spin it. The theme is:            

Some things are better left unseen... ( I am pretty sure we can just leave this to#4)

Let's take for example, the other day when I watched him brush his teeth. The kid beats to his own drum, even on mundane normal tasks. Now, since I would like to unsee this , I am just going to share with you and we can unsee this together.

The kid at his ripe age of 6,  fills the sink with water. Leaving me intrigued, I watch the kid around the corner. He picks up a toothbrush and looks at it for a minute and shrugs his shoulders, telling me this toothbrush may not be his. 4 then dips his toothbrush into the filled sink and puts toothpaste onto the sink, the actual sink counter. He then uses his toothbrush to "scoop up" said toothpaste. He sees the counter has residue of his toothpaste endeavour, so he jumps onto the counter and licks it off...  He licked the toothpaste off the counter. I am attempting to decide if this is funny or a sanitary issue, where he could get sick. I figure the bathrooms are cleaned damn near everyday so he is probably fine, and the fact that toothpaste has something to do with killing germs, I step back and watch the events unfold. The boy continues to brush his teeth and spits into the full sink. Gross, but wait for it. He sticks his face into the toothpaste-spit filled sink and slurps up the water to rinse his mouth with. OMG, and spits it back into the sink.  This is gross enough as it is, but this kid NEVER does anything half-assed.

 He decides one brushing just isn't going to cut it, so he dips his toothbrush back into the nasty toothpaste-spit sink and then instead of squeezing the toothpaste onto the sink, he sees that there is toothpaste on the side of the tube. I shook my head in shame when I saw him inspecting the tube, I knew what was about to happen would  a) make me puke, b) re-think my stance on child abuse or c) emergency Wal-Mart run. The kid took the toothbrush and used it to get the paste off the rim of the tube, Oh dear, but that is not all... he then  attempts to lick the rest off the tube... HE LICKED THE WHOLE DAMN TUBE. I now know the next home reno. project will be to install a safe in my bathroom so I can keep my toothpaste and toothbrush safe.  He then dips the toothbrush into the spitty toothpaste sink and keeps on going about his business, with the unidentified toothbrush. Spits, slurps, the whole drill. I am nauseous just thinking about it. When he is done, he decides the toothpaste tube is not up to his "cleanliness standards" and puts the toothpaste into the double toothpaste-spit/ gingivital water and tries to clean the rest of the caked up toothpaste off the rim. There are so many words to describe this incident. Shock, awe, disgust but I bet we can all agree we can file this one under : Some things are better left unseen.

Here are more swap participants:

The Sadder But Wiser Girl       Suburbia Interrupted     Stacy Sews and Schools      Go MaMa       Snakfest
Baking In A Tornado       The Mommy Ref       Come Play in the Kitchen        MacDonald's Playland
The Family Pants                Adventures in Hickey Land              Dawn's Disaster          Black SheepMom



29 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh my stomach hurts. Not sure if it's from laughing so hard or from the vomit rising to the back of my throat. I love this kid.

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  2. Oh... just, oh. Mine is two... promise me this won't happen with him? Lie to me?

    Who am I kidding? My boy is already this gross. Lol.

    Love this! :)

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    1. Thanks... some boys don't turn out this gross. I think mine is just plain weird

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  3. Good thing you couldn't see the look on my face while reading this. I don't know whether to laugh or gag. Maybe gag while I'm laughing? Only you, Sorry kid, can make me gag while laughing. Welcome back to the Swap, you've been gone too long.

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  4. ROFLMBO!!!! And this is why I NEVER want to know what is going on when my kids are in the bathroom. No, thank you!!! LOL

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  5. You know...You always want to see what's going on when the kids get quiet, or your looking for dirty shirts laying around and happen to secretly witness your kid doing something and then this kind of scenario happens and you're like gross and sigh and think "ugh, boys". I am hysterical. I have four boys and I am always in awe of just how gross and disgusting they can get.

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    1. Sometimes I wonder how they can actually live another year. This kid has been tested for hepatitis for two separate events in his life. Once for eating shit- real shit, and another for picking up a used tissue off of a parking lot and eating it, did I mention the tissue was bloody? He is the nastiest bastard I have met...

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  6. I read that whole post with my mouth open, ready to gag. I am so glad you came back to the swap! I've missed you and your fun stories. Hey, at the very least, you have a multi-tasking genius. At the most, you have a toothpaste tube free of that gunky crap. Your house rocks, as usual :)

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    1. Thanks! I am sad we aren't on the same swap schedule, everything good with you now?

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  7. I read this with morbid fascination. Couldn't wait to her what gross thing your kid would do next! I know My face is contorted in a 'eugh!' Sorta way but the thought of you watching him covertly with that same 'eugh' expression is hilarious. Hey, at least the kid cleans his teeth - and it sounds like it's a pretty thorough routine he's got nailed down! Awesome spin Ashley. I LOVE what you did with it :D

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  8. Boys are gross....period! :-) But us Moms love them! Blech, I shouldn't have read this at lunch! :-)

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  9. Ugh!!! I can't imagine how boys always manage to figure out the grossest way of doing things!! LOL!!

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  10. Are you sure you weren't at my house observing my eight year old son? There isn't a surface in this state he hasn't licked. I have had to get on him about licking the toothpaste tube as well as the counter!

    My kids are also guilty of doing other stuff in the bathroom-I thought of this when I was reading your post! :-D
    http://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com/2012/09/08/toothpaste-and-poop-the-new-art-media/

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  11. This is so disgusting! OMG! I know it's true too cause you could not make this shit up! Lord, kids!

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    1. I am kind of glad I don't have that kind of imagination. My mom couldn't have handled it..

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  12. I have caught my daughter brushing her stuffed animals "teeth" and our dogs teeth. I need a vault to keep my toothbrush in too!

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  13. Sorry folks, I did reply to all of these that day. Seems as though sending replies through my phone doesn't actually work. I didn't realize I was an ignoring bloghole until today...

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  14. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little and thank god I haven't had lunch yet. Kids are gross. I cought my kids with black (we're white) sticky hands and than like its no big deal eat their food and lick their fingers...WTF I said wash your hand that is gross and they look at me like what its not big deal...UGH!!

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    1. Kids are so gross. Sometimes I wish I had security camera so I can show them what they did as a kid. I attribute the fact that they are rarely ever sick to the nasty shit they do daily...

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