Saturday, December 8, 2012

Maybe I really am a Princess?

So I thought that Princess Kate was a big-assed baby going to the hospital for morning sickness. I am pregnant too. I am sick at least 10 times a day. What do the normal folk do? Pop some Tums and carry a plastic bag in their waistband. Wear a scarf so we can mask odd smells in the grocery store. We don't go all Hollywood exhaustion and commit ourselves to the hospital for days on end, that is ridiculous.

I thought she was ridiculous, until the other day. I had chest pains, like crushing chest pains. Can't breathe chest pains. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't. I have been around the block a few times with heart issues. I was born with a hole in my heart and had it fixed as a teen. I can now successfully freak the shit out of an X-Ray tech when I get a chest x-ray. It looks like I have a bullet in my heart, it is kind of funny to see them look at me after it is done. They don't look you in the face, especially if you can hardly move because you have pneumonia or some shit like that. Anyway I have had some other issues too. I fully believed I was having a heart attack.

I called the back of the insurance card because I needed to know where to go. It was getting bad, there is a hospital 2 minutes from my house but it isn't "in-network". I talked to the nurse and she told me to call an ambulance. Yeah, I am not doing that. Thing is, I am not too fond of the neighbors around here. They are a bunch of stuck up pricks, I am not going to give them a reason to come poke their damn noses in my business. They can go have their own damn heart attack.

So I got there and the doc and nurse were super nice. They probably thought I was being a big baby. They did the x-ray and the aspirin and the Ekg bullshit. The blood work and all. Turns out I wasn't on the verge of death. Apparently throwing up ten or more times a day for 6 plus weeks straight can do a doozy on the joint between your ribs and can cause inflammation in your esophagus that makes you feel like something is stuck in there and you can't breathe. I was just being a fucking worry-wort hypochondriac princess.

It is almost embarrassing I was trying to write a will on an old bank receipt. Trying to come up with some profound words of wisdom for my kids on the sheet of a hospital bed, that's borderline padded wall crazy. I am glad I am ok, but I feel like a complete moron. So what else is there to do with that embarrassing info than to share it with my peeps :)

13 comments:

  1. Congratulations! Didn't know you had another one coming until yesterday; that's great news!!

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  2. So glad you're ok! And congrats on the new baby :) I hope you get to feeling better and less nauseous real soon!

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  3. Thanks for sharing that with your peeps, Princess. You know I'm in teenager hell and I need my Sorry kid laughs on a regular basis. If you don't help me reduce this stress I could have...well...a heart attack.
    I'm so sorry you're sick and you had such a horrible scare. But just so you know, in that will, you BETTER have left your funny to me.

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  4. So glad it was nothing more serious! Take care of yourself, princess!

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  5. Hey you know I went to the ER a month ago for the same type of puking so I guess I'm a princess right along with ya! I was so freaking dizzy from all the puking that I was literally seeing stars and my arms and legs were totally numb. It scared the shit balls out of me! Hope you feel better soon!

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  6. I'm so sorry you're not feeling well! I've gotta defend the Dutchess though, she has Hyperemesis, which the media is unfortunately calling 'severe morning sickness'. I had it for both of my pregnancies the entire time (until I delivered them both 7 weeks early due to complications from the hyperemesis). You can read more about HG here on my blog: http://thelowderhouse.blogspot.com/2010/09/first-hospital-visit.html or go to www.helpher.org

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  7. Goodness! Glad to hear it wasn't anything serious! Gotta love pregnancy!

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  8. oh now!! So glad it wasn't anything serious!! You're not a baby at all for taking precautions.....but you may well be a smart-ass princess!! :D

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  9. Dude, you have every right to go to the hospital and be scared. No shame in that...give yourself a break. I was scared for you just reading this. What a relief you are OK!

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  10. Oh my God. I am dying, dying, dying laughing at your writing a will on an old bank receipt comment. Freaking dying. Even when you THINK you're dying - you're really damn funny.
    I am super glad you're ok - but thank you so very much for that total belly laugh. xoxoxox
    Tracy

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  11. Glad you shared and glad you're not dying. You've had other children, you can't be so hard on yourself for feeling something different.That's pretty scary stuff. Like I said, I'm happy you're hanging in there, mostly because I always wanted to know a princess who hates her snobby neighbors ;)

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  12. OOoh... don't miss those days! Glad you are doing better!

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  13. It's a well-known fact that a baby in utero is 549 times more likely to be a badass or international soccer star if their mom tosses around F-bombs like they're candy canes.

    Love it.

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