Saturday, November 10, 2012

Mom, you were waving it around like a crazy person...

So I really debated writing this, I mean it makes me sound crazy. So here are a few things you need to know...
1) When I get flustered or upset or excited I talk with my hands.
2) I don't believe in child abuse.

You get that? Ok, we can carry on.

The other night I was making dinner, peeling potatoes. The kids were in the kitchen wrestling. 4 was just in his underwear, I could say as usual but most of the time he is butt-ass naked, so I'm not going to lie.
4 was sitting on 5 with his butt in 5's face. All of a sudden he said "I'm gonna fart in your face", I mean it's gross but they are both boys and do that kind of shit on a daily basis. I couldn't tell you how many times I have said don't fart in your brother's face. I mean seriously, its ridiculous.

So 4's ass was in 5's face and his intention was to fart. The look on his face told me otherwise. 4 stood up and his underwear had a patch of brown that was spreading upward and outward. I was shocked, I don't loose my shit very often but I yelled and I used hand movements. " Seriously, seriously... you damn near shit in your brother's face, get the hell out of here". 4 runs upstairs balling his eyes out. I finish peeling the potatoes and I go upstairs to make sure he cleaned himself up and was ok.

I walked in and he wanted to see my hands. I had no idea why, but I had nothing in my hands. He said ok, you can come in. I asked him if he was embarrassed or something. He said "no, you had a knife in your hand and you were waving it around like a crazy person."

So we had to have a conversation.

Me: 4, you know that I love you. But really how many times have you been spanked in your life? Very rarely. When you do something that is life threatening.

4: No, remember that time you spanked me twice in one day?

Me: yes, that was after your 3 day bitch stint, and you were clearly warned and old enough to know better
       and you didn't even cry.

4: ok, so you weren't waving that knife at me?

Me: Hell NO, if anyone would've gotten shanked it would have been my own face.

4: mom, you aren't supposed to put knives near your face.

me:  Accident.

4: that could've gotten you killed.

Me: Thanks, I will be sure to remember that the next time I am peeling potatoes and you shit in your
       brother's face.

FYI: The bitch stint was a several day period that this 5 year old decided to put the word bitch after everything... I'm tired, BITCH... I'm hungry...BITCH, I wiped my butt... BITCH. I warned him for 3 days that I was going to spank him when he said bitch, it took two small pops to learn his lesson. I am sorry if you don't agree, but know that I am a yeller or sarcastic I am not a spanker, and that I have nerves of steel so it takes a lot to even get me to the yelling point...

25 comments:

  1. I'm cracking up at this:


    Me: Thanks, I will be sure to remember that the next time I am peeling potatoes and you shit in your brother's face

    Thanks for the laughter tonight.

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  2. OH My God! Isn't it crazy what the kids think we are capable of doing? I guess it's the glint in our eyes?
    Don't ever forget that story because when he's older you'll be able to tell him and both laugh hysterically! Mine always love to hear stories of their younger years!

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  3. Now I almost shit my pants from laughing so hard...wait did I just admit that?
    Thanks for a great laugh today since I have had such a bad day. I needed that!

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  4. Oh my! As I read this it played in my head like a scene from a really funny movie. You could so write one. I'd watch it.

    I talk with my hands too. I think if anyone cut my arms off I'd never talk again, because I wouldn't know what to do with just two stumps.

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  5. hahahahaha!!! What was $5's reaction to the pooping???

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    1. 5 told 4's karate instructor... Probably the worst most embarrassing person he could've mentioned it to. The kid may be 4, but he isn't dumb!

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  6. What is it with boys and farting in the faces of other boys? My boys do it, too. Shoot, I've even seen my husband do it to his friends back when they were in high school. Why?? Way to nip that pooping in the face in the bud. I'd hate for that to be the new, fun thing for boys to do to each other.

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  7. I love reading your stories haha! Have a good weekend!

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  8. Loved it! I use my hands when I get upset too.

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  9. Loved it! I use my hands when I get upset too.

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  10. Oh, the joys of having boys. I loved this, and I laughed so hard.

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  11. HAHAHAHAHA! Too funny! I had to read this out loud to the hubs - and he's nearly crying at your five year old's BITCH stint!

    You rock...bitch! (I couldn't resist!)

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  12. My boys used to play the farting game as well--now they just do it with their dad. But moms are never allowed to fart--according to my daughters. It's all fun and games until somebody poops!

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    Replies
    1. The second most common fart quote I tell them all the time... You can never trust a fart...

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  13. Bhahahahahahahahaha oh my god... That might be the best shart story ever lmao

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  14. Oh man I tried not to laugh but I busted out laughing on that one and the bitch stint just made it even funnier! Oh the joys of having 2 boys I have to look forward too!

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  15. LOL!!! That is to funny and the Bitch stint is ridiculous!!

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  16. Eepps!!! Gross!! Completely with you for freaking out!! Yes, and I agree that the bitch stint did probably deserve a pop after continuous warnings didn't work!

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  17. I gotta remember to not trust my bladder control when I come to read here. Shitting in your brother's face ... I don't know if I want to laugh, or as the mother of boys if I want to just be glad it hasn't happened here. Yet. Sigh. This said, I have been quietly laughing at your posts for a while now and while I don’t think I have hit creeper status totally yet, I do have sumthin’ I wanna give you. It’s the Liebster Award (details are on my blog if you’re unfamiliar with it), but while awards like this are great for promoting readership it can be a bit like chain mail, I’ve also heard them compared to STDs, so it’s cool if you don’t want to “accept” it. It won’t like totally devastate me or anything ... either way I love it here!

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  18. Too funny! I have a 6 year old, and his favorite word right now is farts (yes, he adds an 's' to it always), so I found this very amusing :)

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