Friday, November 2, 2012

If I had a superpower...

I am doing the secret subject blog swap. The brain child of Baking in a Tornado.

Superpowers, they are tricky little bitches. Im not sure so let's think this out in bullet point form.

Super sonic hearing. That could be good. But I do go out of my way not to hear things. You know when a kid says oh mom is going to be so mad, some things are just better left unknown.

X-ray vision. Again could work. It would save many trips to the ER. But that also means I can see people's unders. Skid marked, blow hole underwear. Possibly some skimpies on a Mac truck sized hind end. Or even worse, the lacking of drawers. Even though it would save in ER visits my therapy couldn't outweigh the reward.

Mind reading. Could be good with the kids. But that's too easy. I like a good challenge, unless it's balding- I don't want that. I enjoy a good mystery. Watching the kids eyes look away or think they got away with something. I enjoy the cat and mouse of it. It's an under appreciated joy of parenthood.

Knowing the future. This is also good in theory but if I knew something bad was going to happen to someone I couldn't look them in the face. Unless they are an asshole. Then I would have a little laugh and probably tell them to watch their step. Knowing how your kids are going to turn out or how a situation in your life will end up. I'm not sure I want to know. I like the unknown, I thrive on the unknown unless it's really bad, and in that case an unpleasant surprise at the last moment may be better.

Flying. I have always wanted to fly. Although, I have never stepped foot on a plane. I wonder if birds could crap on you while you are flying? Can they crap on moving objects? Oh wait, one let a load off on my windshield going 60. I'm not a fan of aviary droppings so I won't go with that.

Invisibility. It would be cool, I am a people watcher. Then again, there are somethings I may be better off not knowing. The world is full of freaks and I like to think the peeps around here are not. I'm sure that is not the case. Seeing would just cause mass castration or extreme bitch-slapping. I may need bail money. Maybe we shouldn't go with that one.

Running at the speed of light. That would take care of the aviary shit-turds, and I could travel anywhere in a matter of seconds or minutes. Actually I'm not sure how fast the speed of light is, it may not be that impressive. But not being raped by gas prices would be an added bonus.

I wouldn't want to be the type of superhero to save people. I do enough of that in real life. Need a ride? Me. Need a babysitter? Me again. Need gas money? Oh oh me too. Need a hand with your work? Oh yeah, who is the dumbass who raises her hand. Me. Yeah, I'm done with all that shit.

I will go with the speed, maybe that list of six thousand things not finished at the end of the day can be 5,999? One can dream, right?

Thank you to The Insomniac's Dream for giving me this prompt. I had to dig around a little and put some work in this. Thanks for the challenge. Karen, at baking in a tornado, you are the mastermind of this genius operation. Thank you for allowing my crazy ass in.

26 comments:

  1. Hey, I LOVE your crazy ass! And I'm totally with you on the speed of light thing. Oops, does that make me a crazy ass too?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We can be crazy-assed mom's together, it is only fitting. Teenagers...eh

      Delete
  2. I have always wanted a few of these powers. Your reasoning has made me glad I don't have them. Thank you for the out-loud laughing post. The swaps have been so fun. I'm glad people will get to discover you and your hilarious views. Happy Friday.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Extreme bitch-slapping...could that be considered a super power too?! ;) Fun post!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love it! One of favorite things to think about, I'm thrilled to see it put so well into writing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Thank you for giving me the subject> You challenged me, thank you!

      Delete
  5. We are already super. For reals. You have more kids than I do, so I know you're with me on this one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :) I feel like I must have supersonic nerves of steel somedays...

      Delete
  6. I love your descriptions and how you talk yourself out of all the powers! Great job on this post! xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  7. I never even thought about it all that way! LOL
    GREAT job with your prompt!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I would have a REALLY hard time picking just one super power.
    I LOVE how you think!
    I'd be right there with ya needing bail money and I'm ALWAYS the target for birds. :)
    Great Subject Swap!

    ReplyDelete
  9. If I had a super power, it would be the ability to blink and have my will be done.
    Oh, I want the house clean? *blink* DONE!
    Laundry needs folded? *blink* done.
    Dinner needs cooked? *blink* done!
    Husband needs.....well, you get my drift!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'd love to be super fast too, then I could get things done in record time and still have time for myself

    ReplyDelete
  11. LOL!!! Hey, you already do have superpowers :) Another funny post as usual!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Loved this! My hubby and I always talk about silly stuff like this! hahaa I keep forgetting what I wanted to have...maybe EAT everything and never get fat!

    ReplyDelete
  13. It's fun to imagine what one could do with super powers!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Haha, this is too funny! I have a superhero obsession, so this is a really fun one! Love how you listed all the negative sides to the super powers that I would have never thought of! Love the end of the post too! Lately I have been wondering why I am always the first to volunteer, it gets tiring!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yes! Speed...every mom's dream, right? To get more crap done in less time so there is more time for eating chocolate or sleeping.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Speed is a good one. I would like to be able to teleaport and walk through walls since I always run into them! Xray vision would be unpleasant!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Great descriptions!!! New follower! Found you on Life on Peanut Layne!
    Www.meetmaxwell.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. I would definitely go with teleportation. Think of all the money you'd save on public transport!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'd like invisibility I think or speed. Definitely not x-ray vision, because I work with old people and I see waaaaaay too much as it is! I wouldn't want to read minds either. I'd rather not know what everyone is thinking, I'd probably never leave my house lol. Great post, and as always you make me laugh :-)

    ReplyDelete