Thursday, November 8, 2012

Chivalry isn't dead...in 3rd grade at least...

My kids act like assholes at home, seriously. I love them but they act like inbred asshats. Just yesterday we had yet another haircut incident, a toothpaste/coupon debalce and they poured baby powder on the hardwood just so they could slide in their underwear. Told you, assholes. They do NOT dare act like this in public. My favorite quote is "homes are for free expression, not first impressions", we live honestly by that. As long as you aren't torturing someone and you can fix it yourself, its not a big deal. Act like fools and laugh your ass off, I am fine with that. Rarely my kids act like a pack of dumbasses in public. One does, but we are working on it.

At school, they get rave behavior reviews, 4 had a little mishap at the beginning of the year but since he has been great. Clearly, informing your classmates you aren't afraid to kick all their asses is frowned upon in Kindergarten. 3 has never been warned, had a yellow day or even a stern look. Last year he won a character award at school because he is so nice to the other kids, especially the ones with special needs. This absolutely makes me so proud. Clearly he would never win an award at home, well maybe the I made mom drink today award, but never an at-home behavior gold star.

3 came home and busted out into tears, a full on hyperventilating snot spraying drooling crying fit. I expect this from a teen girl who lost her first boyfriend, not my little jock of a son. After 45 minutes of piecing words between sobs I figured out he had a yellow day. I told him I was glad he made it to the third grade, I wasn't worried. But let's not go for the whole stoplight and get a red. Let's leave well enough alone.

I figured out what had happened. Apparently he was making a face, like the rest of the other boys in the class, and a girl laughed. Well another girl, his best friend, got into trouble and she wasn't the offender, he spoke up and said it was him and not her. The teacher asked if he deserved a  yellow card and he said more than his best friend. I am so proud of my chivalrous little boy. His best friend did nothing wrong and he was willing to take a yellow day in her place. She got a yellow day too, which neither deserved because there are some real gems in that class and they get warnings all the time. Maybe the teacher was trying to make an example that the two good kids can get into trouble too, the other mom also one of my best friends is livid. I see her side, her kid is good. Not just at school, at her house, at my house and the girl isn't a tattler, that reigns high in my book. I don't think I am going to say anything to the teacher, she is a sweet lady, although my son thoroughly believes she will hate him forever. She may have had a plan or a bad day either way everyone is still alive and didn't hang themselves in the middle of the night. So we are good.

I do have to talk to the boy about this taking the blame for shit. Although it was a nice idea, what if one of his dillhole friends decides to rob a bank.  I can think of so many ways that taking the fall for someone could end badly. Thank God for DNA evidence...or my kid would be screwed as an adult...

14 comments:

  1. Don't throw yourself under the bus, kid!

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  2. I so want to give your kid a hug!
    And my kids are asshats too. That is why I have my personal blog to rant about them. My family knows when they do something wrong it will end up on the blog for everyone to see.

    http://thismamashops.blogspot.com/

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  3. Can we trade kids? My second grader is currently in the office for first giving the kids in his class the two fingers "I'm watching you" sign followed by THE finger. He's got social issues, sigh... Guess the IEP can't help with everything.

    He'll never throw himself under the bus for anyone, not even me. Sigh... ;-)

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    1. I'm sorry but that is funny, I have one with social issues and she got into a fight in pre-school because a boy was standing too close to her. It gets better, after kindergarten she calmed down, now she is in fifth and she would give the finger to a deserving person! She has a death stare she gives out pretty frequently...

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  4. You write exactly the way I speak...we were destined for bloggy friendship! The saying is true that it's always funnier when it isn't your own kid, and I have to tell you that the sliding in their underwear idea is a humor gem to hang onto for a long time. Hell, I'd wanna try it too if I didn't have to clean up all the stupid baby powder...which I inevitably would, 'cause I'm the mom. Such a fun read!

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    1. I love your blog, and I am honored to be a part of the epistolarians with you :)

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  5. There is nothing, and I mean nothing my kids wouldn't do to blame someone else. My favorite is when my oldest gets a bad grade because the teacher is an asshat. Or how my grounding him is proof that I'm an asshat. Maybe I should have done more of letting them slide around the floors in their underwear or gluing coupons to the sink with toothpaste. . .

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  6. On the bright side, my boys were holy terrors and are now middle-aged, wonderful dads, financially independent, good husbands, and upstanding citizens!

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    1. I take that as a good sign! My faith in my kids has been restored!

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  7. I kind of want to put baby powder on the floor and test out this whole sliding thing ...

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  8. He's so cute but yup, no more mister nice guy!! :P

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  9. I absolutely love your "home is for free expression, not first impression" line. I really may start using it. :)

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  10. What a sweet heart but yes no taking credit for robbing banks!!

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