Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Today was my bitch...and what I learned today

Yesterday I just flat out failed the whole damn day away. I screwed up everything imaginable. It happens, so I proclaimed today would be my bitch. And it was, for the most part. I mean with 5 kids of my own and an extra today, along with homeschooling one of them and the whole mom thing and wahm thing, you know shit is just going to go wrong here and there. It is just called life. Life and I have come to an amicable agreement most of the time. So I figured I would share with my amazing friends, locked behind a computer screen and thousands or hundreds of miles away, the craziness that I call normal...

                 What I learned today....

A beer cooly cup can double as knee and elbow pads in a raging game of indoor couch cushion football. I suspect many injuries were prevented today from this genius 5 year old's discovery.

If at any time you would like to take your siblings money, rub it on your balls and it is all yours. Wonder if that works on the hubs.... yeah probably not.

A chair in fact crumbles under beauty. I am so glad I am not the only one who has sat on a chair and busted the hell out of it. My 14 year old did it too, I cannot explain how relieved I am, really...

I was on my blog ALL DAY LONG. Crazy because I haven't sat down until just now and my phone has been dead all day... Did you folks get my ESP comments? Didn't think so.

Sending three boys downstairs to clean out the batting cage turns into a game of soft-hockey ( a game using a softball and a hockey stick) and results in a shattered light bulb, of course the kind that you have to evacuate the house and wrap your broom and dustpan in plastic wrap as not to contaminate them...

My 5 year old can make a cheese quesadilla by himself. His patience is about as existent as mine and there was no way in hell he could wait the 3 minutes it took for me to finish giving a test. I find this funny since the 14 year old cannot figure out how to make a cup of easy mac alone.

Riding a bike into oncoming traffic while popping a wheelie and smoking a cigarette and flicking off the passerby's is completely possible...If this was an adult I would feel so sorry for him, but if he was a kid I think his mom would appreciate someone stepping up and beating his ass. Too bad I was more engulfed in wondering how much hair he had singed off in his endeavors...

Last but not least, the one that just had my WTF look was this:
If you are too lazy to turn the handle on the doorknob to get into the house it is perfectly acceptable to get a chair put it up to the window and kick in the screen. Although the chair may fall and you are dangling out the window, he made it his bitch...

So you see, today was almost my bitch...I got so much done, my house isn't a wreck. I cooked dinner, I didn't loose my cool (although I came close) I was a good friend.
Today turned out ok, maybe, hopefully an upward trend...


  1. Can you give classes on this? I need to make days my bitch. I am always theirs. ALWAYS. And now i have added a flipping puppy. I'm so stupid. LOVE this post. Especially the window part....because i have lost my key, and we actually have to do that to get back into my house frequently.*sigh*

  2. OMG you are absolutely hilarious!!! The bike rider obviously has serious talent, and if I'm ever in a jam, I'm callin' your kid who kicked in the screen, 'cause that one is resourceful!!!

  3. Upward and onward, girl!!! May tomorrow be your bitch as well!

  4. The kicking-in-the-screen could totally work for me the next time I'm bringing in groceries...while the kids watch me. I'm glad today was better for you. I love your sense of humor and the fact that you can write about your bad days, makes you my hero. I'm usually curled up in the fetal position.. You absolutely made today your bitch. BTW, I need your address so I can send you that "christmas present". Haha

  5. Hurrah! I am glad it was a great day.

  6. Thanks, I love my commentors. You gals ALWAYS make me smile. Thank You