Monday, October 8, 2012

Today I failed...but

Today I failed...
 I failed as a driver, I now have a huge ass gash/dent/scratch on the side of my car to prove it. My vehicle was alone, it was done in my garage via a bike handlebar. At least I hung that fucking bike up the other day...

I failed as a trash taker outer, my shoes now have a permanent rememberance of this day...

I failed as a parent. I laughed at stuff I shouldn't have. I allowed a masterpiece to come about onto the couch, I walked away from a food fight because I just didn't want to see it. I knew there was a possible blood inducing fight going on upstairs and I did nothing. When a kid was bit to blood I just handed over an ice pack and walked away ( probably because he deserved it). But I did nothing. Needless to say after the ONE fight for today it was over, no more- I was shocked. There are usually numerous.  Maybe I need to be too busy more often? But I did not loose my cool. I had 7 kids today and didn't sweat, may have retreated to the park before I lost my shit but I kept it together...

I failed as a babysitter, the constant tears from the newborn baby told me so. And that piss stain on my jeans, couch and rug was just an extra fuck you.

I failed at being a housekeeper, if I felt like uploading pictures you would see it. And words cannot describe what I see. I am a neat freak at heart and this shit is killing me..

I failed as a health nut because I don't remember ingesting anything besides diet coke and a beer. I think I may have eaten half a piece of bread until the kid caught me in the pantry and I handed over the rest. But today was just a blur of ridiculousness and I am fairly certain the 83 times I ran up and down the stairs Jillian Michaels would laugh at me and my oversized ass and inform me that it is not a workout..Ha, if you thought for a minute I was a health nut, let me know, I will raise a drink and laugh at your ass!

I failed as a writer because I had a kickass post today and couldn't find time to press a few buttons..or answer my "non existent" emails. Of course the troll's emails came through, but that will be another day, a fun drunk day...

I failed as a wife...uhmmm no I kicked ass at being a wife because I took care of everything so his bitchass could play softball...

I failed as a friend because I let my phone die, Google was being such a fucking tool telling me I had 40 then 600 emails but then wouldn't load them- I just didn't give a shit, when my friend needed someone to bitch to..

I failed as an adult beverage drinker because I chose a natty light that someone left from a party over wine. Well, it was skinny girl wine and that stuff tastes like toilet water so maybe that was not a fail at all. And natty light is so bad only one can be consumed, tops- I have been milking this bitch for two hours- I deserve a medal...

I failed at being myself because when I saw the bitch from school and I was nice to her and then I told her I wouldn't spill the beans on her secret as long as we didn't have to do the whole pretend friend bullshit, when I already did to you. I guess I didn't attach a photo or a name to the post, which I almost did. But I can't sink that low folks, even though it is so hard not to...

Now I hear some kid pissing on my couch and yes I am just going to take his pants off and wrap a towel around him because I am just too damn tired to throw his sleeping ass in the tub...

I did cook, piss, do laundry, and load kids in the car one handed. That my friends tells me that ....



Today I may have failed but ...tomorrow is a new day and tomorrow will be my bitch...

12 comments:

  1. Wow, this is a really cool post. I am pretty sure we can all relate, and honestly, the positive spin about tomorrow is doing better than I do some days. Sign.....stay calm and mom on. :)
    Devan

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  2. Ha! I thought it was the shittiest thing I have ever thrown toghether, besides my guest post today that was retweeted 6 times. lol. Thank you though!

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  3. You know, I think "Tomorrow will be my BITCH" is about to be my new mantra.

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  4. "Tomorrow will be my Bitch" should be written in Calligraphy and framed for every woman to put on their bedside table. Christmas gifts, anyone? Keep on keeping on, girl. If anything, you can always be secure in knowing you're making your readers laugh their butts off. What wouldn't Jillian Michaels love about that?

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  5. Laughing should be considered a workout, but then again if it was I would resemble twiggy... Thanks! Feel free to make them and hand them out! I was thinking about taking a failed canvas and writing it on there and keeping it in my closet!

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  6. Who has kids and DOESN'T have days like that. My kids are old enough to feed and dress themselves and I still have days like that weekly. What I am in awe of is your attitude. You say "tomorrow will be my bitch" I usually say "tomorrow I'm not getting out of bed".

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    1. Ha!I am positive but thank god I am not bubbly, I can't deal with bubbly...

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  7. Tomorrow will be better. After that how could it not be! Sorry your day was crappy. Wish we were neighbors so I could come over and help.

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    1. It was, and I wish we were neighbors. There are so many computer friends that are simply amazing. I am so glad I have people to support me...

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  8. Replies
    1. Hi! I loved your post so much, I featured it! Check it out! http://momofbigalittlea.blogspot.com/2012/10/what-i-have-been-reading-this-week-13.html

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