Friday, October 26, 2012

The letter I would love to post on my wall

Dear people who live in my house,

I appreciate your resourcefulness, in un cleaning every room today. I see all your hard work has paid off. I know you are aware of the party ensuing in the next hour. Although the masterpiece in the sink with the toothpaste may be a sought after piece of art in a backwoods trailer park, conveniently placed by the front entrance, it is not appreciated in our humble abode.

I will take the time to inform you that we do in fact have a hose, you know the thing you used to shower off with in the summer. Remember how I said the nomadic style of living was so last year? Yes that thing, it is OK to use to hose the mud off your feet. It relieves the need to track mud across a shiny clean floor and into the guest bathroom. The same guest bathroom you felt the need to clean your feet in the sink. I know you are boys and you are more than willing to live in the woods and eat off campfires and piss in holes. You would probably be ok with crapping in a box, and leaving it for the raccoons to feast on. But, really let's get our shit together and at least pretend to be civil.

Lastly, to the child who left a brown handprint on the bathroom door. I realize this is a Halloween party, but chocolate syrup on the bathroom door is for the April fools joke. Guests won't realize the chocolate syrup spilling from under the cabinet and the handprint on the door are in fact chocolate. They will think that you aspiring yokels shit under the sink and barehanded it. Not cool, folks. Not cool.

We are all friends here, we can figure this out...As long as you listen to your mother.

FYI, I did not say this to my children, but at least I can remind them to clean up after themselves with a smile...


  1. I have 2 girls. It isn't a whole lot different. lol

    If this posted more than once, I apologize. The pages is acting kind of weird.

  2. long as it's not a chocolate butt print...I'm sure it's all good.

  3. I raised 3 have my sympathy!

  4. Ah, the old chocolate handprint on the bathroom door trick ... truely a disgusting classic.