The kid is 4. He usually uses the brain I so nicely constructed and housed for nine months. Maybe that glass of wine while waiting for that second line to appear caused some damage, I'm not quite sure.
The kid said he had to crap and was using my bathroom. He was taking a while. Being the little man he is, he likes to look at magazines while dropping the loot. I thought nothing of it. Dad came home and we were wondering why he didn't come running, like usual.
We started searching. 3 found him and said "mom you gotta see this". I knew I didn't, but no sense in delaying the inevitable. I went upstairs to find that my son had painted his penis and testicles with fingernail polish, he tried a few streaks on his ass cheeks as well. He put the term blue balls into reality, to say the least. I laughed so hard I cried, until he couldn't pee. While I was concerned, but still laughing. I turned to twitter and google. I didn't want to put remover down his piss hole. I soaked him in the tub and tried to call the doctor. I was laughing so hard the nurse on the exchange thought it was a prank. I told her I would just figure it out on my own.
So it's off, and it is still hard to type because I can't see through the laughing tears. I cannot imagine sitting on a toilet and thinking my vag could use a little more flare. I don't understand why the hell he would paint his penis. Somewhere he lost some brain cells. He has won the shit for brains certificate for the day, and that bottle of wine is in need of some serious CPR...