Saturday, October 27, 2012

My son painted his...A blue ball reality

The kid is 4. He usually uses the brain I so nicely constructed and housed for nine months. Maybe that glass of wine while waiting for that second line to appear caused some damage, I'm not quite sure.

The kid said he had to crap and was using my bathroom. He was taking a while. Being the little man he is, he likes to look at magazines while dropping the loot. I thought nothing of it. Dad came home and we were wondering why he didn't come running, like usual.

We started searching. 3 found him and said "mom you gotta see this". I knew I didn't, but no sense in delaying the inevitable. I went upstairs to find that my son had painted his penis and testicles with fingernail polish, he tried a few streaks on his ass cheeks as well. He put the term blue balls into reality, to say the least. I laughed so hard I cried, until he couldn't pee.  While I was concerned, but still laughing. I turned to twitter and google. I didn't want to put remover down his piss hole. I soaked him in the tub and tried to call the doctor. I was laughing so hard the nurse on the exchange thought it was a prank. I told her I would just figure it out on my own.

So it's off, and it is still hard to type because I can't see through the laughing tears. I cannot imagine sitting on a toilet and thinking my vag could use a little more flare. I don't understand why the hell he would paint his penis. Somewhere he lost some brain cells. He has won the shit for brains certificate for the day, and that bottle of wine is in need of some serious CPR...

14 comments:

  1. Hahahahaha! Little boys will paint/color any and all visible skin. Totally makes sense. Hahahaha still laughing.

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  2. Now there's a picture that won't be leaving my brain any time soon. I certainly hope you took a picture for any future girlfriends.

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    1. No pic, I wish I had though. It was going to be part of the secret challenge, but it was too much. Lol

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  3. Oh my gosh! That is hilarious! I can totally see my youngest boy doing this, and he's 7... not so cute at that age, but I think I'd still laugh like hell! Thanks for sharing.

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  4. Ohmyword. Boys are special, so very special;) I hope he can pee straight (or at all) soon!

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  5. Oh god, that's definitely one to retell at the 21st party!

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  6. LMAO.... ever heard of Jo Koy- Comedian? You need to see his special... 'Don't Make Him Angry'... where his son colors his 'ting-ting' green with a Sharpie I believe... The whole time I'm reading this... I'm thinking TING TINGGGG LMAO....
    I also like that you used the term piss hole...
    AWESOME!

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  7. Ohhhh, wow... yeah, you might want to share this with his future wife someday! ha, ha! Its def. going to be one of his post embarrassing childhood stories EVER! LOLOLOL!

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  8. How the heck did you get if OFF his privates is what I want to know! A soak in the tub did it?? Geez, you're going to have great tales to tell the grandkids some day!!

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  9. more proof the obsessions starts at an early age..

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  10. oh my God!!! That just tops everything, doesn't it!!! ahahahhahah!!!

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  11. This is the best, most bribe-worthy information you could ever own. You must post the solution to blue balls on Pinterest. Imagine how many people have to secretly look that stuff up? BTW, was he pleased with the color?

    You know you want another award. I'm passing on the Sisterhood Blogger to all the "secret swap ladies". You don't have to jump through any hoops, just go grab it!

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  12. I soaked him in the tub and used baby oil for the rest. It was on google, it said WD-40, I couldn't bear to put bed desqueeker on his ween!!!

    Thanks for the award!

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  13. You really know how to paint a picture!

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