Thursday, October 4, 2012

French rated x Walmart excursion

A quick trip to Walmart caused a walk of shame, one I would like to forget but also share for you to enjoy in my ridiculousness...

It all started out yesterday morning when the kids informed me they didn't have anything for lunch. Obviously it's not within the normal realm to mention say when you are packing your lunch the day before... Hmm genius right?

So I had a kid coming over to babysit and I had roughly 30 minutes to get the lunch crap make it and drop it. So I run out the door, no make up and my hair, oh it was bad, like sleeping in a dumpster bad. I get into the car and I back out of the garage, my mirror hit the side and having the opener in my hand as to close it quick enough the people driving by can't see my mounds of shit inside. Well I jumped and pressed the button with my car still in the way. I am sitting there like a moron with my mirror smashed to the car door and the garage door opening and closing onto the hood of my car, repeatedly. I couldn't stop it. I pressed that damn button 30 times in a row to stop the madness. My only option was to continue to smash my mirror and back out possibly having the garage door slam onto every inch of my roof. And I did. Oh and FYI yesterday was national walk to school day so every person in this damn neighborhood watched the events unfold. Lucky me.

I get to Walmart and go for lunchables I have now 15 minutes to get there back and make the lunch drop. So I am practically running. Good thing I was running into the store or I would have been strip searched for shoplifting, and in the next few minutes you will see why it wouldn't have been hard.

I'm in the frozen foods section, it's damn cold in there. People are staring. I belong on honey boo boo peeps because mama forgot to wear a bra to Walmart. I had no jacket, my titties greeted everyone. I guess I should have charged but these babies have fed too many babies and are a disgrace to mankind.

So I am walking to check out and I feel it. Oh shit I just started too? I just want to get the fuck out of here. On my way to the tampon aisle some guy maybe early 20's late teens, either way jail bait, walked my me and said daaaaaaaa.

So I go into panic mode. Oh shit she for got the m. Oh hell, this must be bad and he is staring at my legs. I know they aren't shaved but wtf? Add an M. I look down. Oh yes, I had forgotten underwear too.

So folks remember your panties or you won't get the M either...

15 comments:

  1. Man... why am I never in the stores when you are there? It would make shopping with my kids bearable :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you check out my personal facebook page, you will see how I shop. My friend took a video, thank god she didn't post one of my concert in the mall or my conversation with the man in the shoe store. If it tells you anything the hubs rarely goes out into public with me...

      Delete
  2. Who's going to play you in the movie? Bet actresses everywhere are running the other way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Uhhh... I guess I can do it... I mean really who knows my life better than me...lol

      Delete
  3. I knew when I saw the title of your blog alone that I would instantly fall in love with you and then THIS is what I read??? Omg, you had me in tears laughing and cringing while I felt your shame. LOL!

    SO glad I found you through the Blog Hop!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHA! Yeah, it is pure ridiculousness over here... Buckle up woman you may want a beverage next time.

      Delete
  4. That sounds traumatising lay hilarious ... or hilariously traumatising, take your pick!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is a hard one... I didn't laugh at it until I got into the car and was like WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? I HOPE THE SURVEILLANCE CAMERA MAN DOES NOT SELL THAT...

      Delete
  5. Oh girl, you need to write a book. I'm choking back my coke while laughing and my husband is staring at me. How am I to retell this story? I'm off to hand him this laptop.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol, he will probably look at you like what? I tell my husband what happens and he just shakes his head at me, unfortunately he has witnessed some of the crazy but generally he acts like he doesn't know me...

      Delete
  6. You probably traumatized that poor kid!! :D

    ReplyDelete
  7. LOL you poor thing! You are a tv show!

    ReplyDelete
  8. What a day! when you get your own reality show I'm getting cable again.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lmao! I'm so sorry hun! I hate those days too! HAHAHA they're awful and especially to happen to you on a bad day! lmao!

    ReplyDelete