Monday, October 1, 2012

Do you ever think you can piss in peace...

Do you ever think you can piss in peace after the kids get bigger? Do you think an infant climbing onto your lap while attempting to use the facilities is the worst thing in the world? You are dead ass wrong.

I was peeing 1(14) and 2 (10) came in to join me, I guess they believe it's an open invitation. They were sitting on the sink chatting, 1 had her phone out. Just as I stood up to pull up my pants she snapped a picture. The exact kind of picture you do not want on a phone just two screen taps from Facebook publication, if one chose to do so.

They are laughing hysterically. So I go see what they hell could possibly make them laugh so hard... You guessed it the lady had made her photo debut.

1: I was just trying to take a picture of you on the toilet.

Me: what the hell would you do that for? Seriously...

2: You've been exposed

1: I was just trying to get a picture of your Dunlap..

Me: ladies, let's leave my FUPA out of it

Laughing so loud they can't stand up straight...

Me: I assumed I would never have to explain taking a picture of someone on the toilet, or exiting the toilet isn't something you should do... I figured it was COMMON KNOWLEDGE...

Still laughing So hard they are on the ground...

Me: ok Having a picture of your moms parts is highly frowned upon in most cultures, delete that shit NOW

SO NO, you never EVER get to use the toilet alone- even when your kids are teenagers. And what happened tonight just proves that having that toddler climb on your lap while you are just trying to crap is a fucking vacation compared the the events that just unfolded..

And FYI I do not actually have FUPA


  1. I can't believe they did that!!!! I would die!! Well, all I can say is paybacks are hell--time for you to take the locks off their bathroom door. And BTW, showers are not safe ground either...

  2. So no hope, huh? Damn. There goes that dream.

  3. Hahaahahaha! Kids are the light of our world, aren't they? Only mothers get it when I say that children want nothing to do with us unless we are on the phone or the toilet. Keep telling yourself that you're making memories. That story screams Thanksgiving dinner conversation, doesn't it?

  4. My first thought was to flush the phones.
    My second thought... I'm putting up a deadbolt tonight.

    * Also, I'm giving you A One Lovely Blog Award... 'cause as moms we need recognition for keeping them alive. ;)

  5. lmao! poor thing! can you not lock the door? or did you not think they wouldn't do that? oh dear! i didn't know kids can be that cruel!

  6. Ha! That's funny, and I see someone else asked... So what IS a FUPA?

  7. Fat upper pussy when go go to sit on the toilet and you have to lift the bottom of your second lower stomach to keep it from getting shit on it... Horrible I know

  8. I do. Tell your kids to stay out of my bathroom. I swear i started my diet today.

  9. Now I'm dying at how many people didn't know what a FUPA was!!

  10. GAWD, thank you so much for the FUPA education. I'm signing up for Cool Sculpting tomorrow and gonna freeze my pussy fat.

    1. Haha! How did that turn out, From your little pic you look like a twig, you are fupa-less

  11. Yeah, totally neglected my education on FUPA as well!

  12. I totally need to think about getting locks on my door. I really thought my daughter would outgrow this. I'm scared. I don't want to end up in an Old Gals Gone Wild Internet video.