I am very sorry you were offended by my blog post. I'm not sure what to say. It is what it is and I should have waited to post, or made it half fictional for shits and giggles. Truth is, it was fun, different but fun. If you could see my twitter feed you would see how many people would have loved to be my plus one. But you have to admit, it was something special. No one has ever herd of a potluck wedding. It was just plain bazaar, although not as bad as I imagined.
You could have left the sleeves on your shirt. The man I knew years ago was a clean shaven, nicely dressed man. I am not sure where the country came in? It was like seeing your name on a different person's body. I was an asshole and maybe I went too far, hence the apology.
I know it is not your fault the preacher is a scorned drunk who doesn't like children, you may have not been fully informed of this when you chose him. The only part of that post I truly wanted to be offensive was to him. He was acting like a mean drunk asshole. The truth is, I do like you and your wife and I hope you have a great marriage. Truly I am glad I got to come, seeing your dad fall into the bushes was one of the funniest things I have seen. The look on your wife's face when he handed her the headset, I felt bad. I wanted to hand her a drink and kick him in the shin, it was awkward. I really do like you, and this post was for entertainment only.
About the armpit/hair debacle, it happened. I get the nerves and sweat, I smelled like a damn stuffed pig on my wedding. We all do, that's why it's funny. It is relatable.
The cake smashing, admit it, come on you went to far. It was funny, and you sure as hell picked the right wife because she was laughing so hard. Most women would have junk punched you. She did not, she wore her big girl panties and pulled it off well. Truly a commendable trait.
It was nice to see a casual atmosphere and the entire wedding wasn't Harry potter themed, or Twilight- I would have just left with my dish in hand for that one :) it was a big party. And seeing how mad you are at me, I want my funeral next week to be a big party with a bonfire. Please make that happen.
I wasn't trying to offend you, you have been a friend of the family for years and you know me. You know my snark, my ability to notice thing others don't, and my ability to laugh at and make fun of things I shouldn't. I am kicking my ass for publishing to post to my personal Facebook, it was never for you to know- hence I fully attempt to stay anonymous. Because some things in life are funny through other people's eyes, especially with a snarky commentary. I watch the redneck wedding and Honey Boo Boo because I think they are hilarious, and they make shit tons of money. Just if you would have called them, you would've had a cool 10 grand in your pocket. Yours is far from the worst, and if you renew your vows, I will come to that. Obviously, the invitation will be lost in the mail, so I will be there in spirit.
Maybe it was the beer, or the 5 alcohol soaked canoli's but I was wrong. I am sorry. I hope those 7 rows from the field Ram's tickets can take your mind off of the backstabbing pain. And one day you see that I was trying to be funny and not in any way offend you, whatsoever. I am an asshole, feel free to guest post on here about how fucking ignorant I was, I am sorry.