Friday, September 28, 2012

You wiped with what?!?

The kid, not naming names, woke up with the shits. He sleep pisses in every place you can imagine so I am happy he made it to the toilet.

For the moment I was excited that he got into the bathroom to piss, until I heard it. So I ran upstairs to grab a roll and by the time I made it down stairs he was leaving the bathroom. I asked him if he wiped. Because I sure as hell wasn't cleaning the remnants of what I just heard out of his shorts tomorrow, or ever. He said yes. I asked with what? He pointed. Holy mother fng jesus this kids ass hole is going to have bleach blisters. I tried to get him into the shower but he was still asleep. My kid wiped with dual action Lysol wipes. It is essentially sandpaper dipped in bleach.

I have so many questions, such as did you think it was toilet paper? Why do you suspect the toilet paper was wet, do you normally use wet tp? When you you felt bleachy sandpaper upon your ass, why did you continue? Did it burn? Do you think kitchen cleaner will keep you from having skids?

All these questions will never be answered because the kid sleep shit...

10 comments:

  1. Okay I'm lying here trying to put Peanut to sleep and my ridiculously loud laughing is keeping him okay. This is fucking hilarious!!!

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  2. Awake not okay. See you had me laughing too hard to type! I blame you for my typos!

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    1. Haha! Your a mom, and that was a drunk post I tried to play nice... The words I actually said, not pretty

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  3. I had no idea one could even sleep shit!! great.... one more thing that can wake me up at night as a mom. I though my friend telling me about her blair-witch kid moment in her living room was bad enough. These damn kids are crazy!

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  4. Oh yeah! It seems like every one has a different sleepwalking thing... One stands over you when you sleep and has big eyes sleep staring, the first time I woke up to her doing it I threw my cup of water on my bedside table at her... All I saw were crazy eyes, still half asleep I didint realize she belonged...

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  5. Ouch! Poor kid, he's going to have trouble sitting! Better break out the donut pillow.

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  6. Ow. Is it bad that I sort of hope he gets butt blisters? Just for the stories, of course.

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  7. Cheer up; when you reach the other end of the spectrum (old age), you may sleep shit again!

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  8. laughing so hard at that!! Poor kid....he'll wake up wondering why he feels so sore in his behind!!

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