Yesterday was a day that could go down into the record books. The kids and I were filling in the holes in the yard, uhem the piss holes. Yes, my kids use my back yard as their private restroom facilities. It turned into finding 4 leaf clovers and digging up the rocks in the yard.
Obviously, that four leaf clover was a fraud. We were joking around and the kids were jumping on top of me tackling me to the ground. It was fun until I landed into a pile of mud.
I kept smelling shit every where I went. I kept asking and checking pants to see if someone had "leftovers", nope. I looked everywhere, 4 is notorious of never wiping and the kid never wears pants. I was on a mission to find the smell. The smell was everywhere. I just couldn't find the pile. It wasn't until that night that I went to fix my ponytail and there was mud in my hair, a tiny clump of mud.
I had this clump of mud in my hand, thinking to myself why did this mud not dry yet? And then it hit me. Yes, folks that mud was a clump of shit stuck in my hair ALL DAY LONG! Between the laughing so hard I was crying and the dry heeves, I wasn't sure if I wanted to revoke my stance on child abuse or put them all back into diapers. Even today after the showers and the hack job with a pair of scissors to the underneath of my hair, I still get the chills. I am in shock, disbelief and horror. I can't tell them or really punish them, because if they knew they would never let me live it down.
So yes, it is all fun and games until you fall into a pile of shit. I am searching out leprechauns on the internet today so I can tell them to stop spreading their bullshit rumors about four leaf clovers being lucky. Those bitches are sitting back with their pots of gold they never leave at the end of the rainbow, using it to buy massive amounts Heineken laughing at the world who believes their stories. Probably while eating most of the marshmallows out of every box of Lucky Charms. And that is why there are not enough marshmallows in the cereal.