Friday, September 7, 2012

How Not to be an Asshole in Social Media

Fellow Bloggers,

 I know everyone has an asshole, but ladies and gents let's not be one. From here on out I will use the term Bloghole for asshole bloggers. If you at any time feel as though I am talking about you, more than likely you are correct. If you don't like this shut up and move along.

Here is how to tell if you are in fact a Bloghole.

1. You join a blog hop and follow everyone and then turn around the next day and unfollow. In the words of my bloggy friend. THIS IS NOT A ONE NIGHT STAND...I know this is solely to gain followers but the truth is you are a Bloghole through and through. I know you want to look more awesome than you are and you probably have 6,000 Facebook friends on your personal site, most of which you don't know and may very well be jacking off to the pic you posted of your kid in the bathtub. Both of you mother fuckers are sick. Did you not like being compared to a pedophile? Then stop being a Bloghole.

2.You go to my blog and leave a comment asking for a follow back, completely neglecting to follow in the first place.. Yep you are a Bloghole and a douche. Seriously, If you don't like my shit that is fine but don't expect me to oogle over your rainbows and unicorns life. There are only so many lies I can tell in one day, I reserve them for my children. I do not have enough stocked up to tell you how great your blog is. And for all that is holy don't VLOG your bullshit, at least with a post we can exit out quickly. Vidoes have a way to never let you leave no matter how many times you hit that X at the top of the screen.

3. You co-host every god damn blog hop there is and you are like I have just gotten so big there is no way I can keep up following you all back, but thanks for the love...You my friend have won the Bloghole of the year. Especially when in the blog hop it says to leave a comment so we can follow you back. I mean for real, we know you are a hot commodity with your perfect life and ugly  kids, but by all means Thank You for showing us how much of a Bloghole you really are. Your shitty posts make us vomit in our mouth a little bit .We secretly wish one of those ugly kids would spit a wad of gum in your hair the size of your home state so you have to prance around with a fugly hair cut for years to come.

4.You are on every social media outlet whoring your name around... This is the internet not a street corner, move along. You are the herpes of the internet. We would rather get a trojan virus than see your name again. Really. Just start a blog hop called "Follow Me Bitches", hopefully the holy rollers catch that one, I will wait around with a six pack to see their "community" light your ass on fire.

5. You leave a comment along the lines of that is interesting. You didn't even read my blog, if you did you would realize my shit is gold and you would've turned your little Hanes granny panties yellow from the lack of bladder control while laughing. Really you just wanted the page hit of me reading your blog when I just couldn't understand what kind of person would say that or it is another form of whoring out your own blog. No one will check out your blog is all you say is interesting. You are not Sherlock Fng Holmes. Leave a real comment. 

6.My ultimate favorite... I found you on the blog hop please visit my site I can't wait to read your next post...This is hilarious to me. After the first time you followed, and unfollowed me I removed your comment off my blog. It is a god damn shame. What do you know, next week, next blog hop YOU WRITE THE SAME DAMN THING... This is like blog raping, my god when will it end? You are sooo dumb. Hide your Facebook, hide your twitter, hide your URL, they are raping all  up in here. We gonna find you. (If you have never seen that video by that Anthony something or other being interviewed on the news, you must!!!) Anyway, I have been a good person up until now, I have deleted your comments and bullshit. From here on out I will not. I will allow your dumbassery to be viewed all over the internet. I may screen shot that bitch and pay a big blogger to retweet the fuck out of it. Although I don't feel the need to pay for bloggy stuff somethings just can't be left unnoticed..

Thank you for reading let's try our best to be nice :) I played nice for this post. A didn't point out names...

The group of fellow hate of Blogholes who encouraged me to write the most assanine thing I have ever written.

Stroller Parking Only     The B(itch)log      Happy Little Feet   Life on Peanut Layne 

Diapers...or Wine?   You Know It Happens At Your HouseToo among others 



78 comments:

  1. all of this is exactly why I've never participated in a blog hop. ever.

    and I don't think I will, either.

    seriously- those "follow me" comments when I can tell they didn't even read my post are just mean. those bitches are not that popular.

    followers aren't really what matters, anyhow. I've noticed that many, many bloggers who have a ton of followers are just cheating the system; doing exactly what you've described here, whoring themselves all over the internet because they need to feel liked.

    sure, I like a new follower as much as the next attention seeker (because aren't we all?), but I don't do that "follow back" shit. If I like you, I follow you. If you turn out to be a shallow piece of self-important shit, I unfollow. BAM.

    in other news, I really really like you right now ;)

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    1. And this comment is exactly why I adore you too. So impressed that you're still following me so I know I'm not a shallow piece of self-important shit.

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  2. Best. Post. Ever. I'm dying over here. I admit to almost peeing a little bit. Any blog that starts a post with "I know everyone has an asshole, but ladies and gents let's not be one" is one of my favorite blogs ever. Well done!

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  3. Interesting....
    Just kidding. I am glad you said it. As always you are funny,ballsy and right on!!

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  4. Yup!! You covered it all, alright!!! :)))

    I used to participate in bloghops, but after I started getting all these "I followed, now your turn" type of comments,not even acknowledging my post, that just turned me off!!

    Love this post!!!

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    1. Yep, there are a few that are good. I have gotten a bunch of good ones from finding the funny at Kelly's Break Room and The I know it happens at your house too. But they are geared towards hilarity.

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  5. Call me an ignoramus, but qu'est-ce que c'est? A "bloghop"? April (First Time Mom & Dad) and you have both talked about this now, but I am completely unaware of what these are and how they work.

    All I know is that I read because I like. If I don't like, I don't read. And I don't do the "follow/unfollow" thing because it's just a numbers game at that point.

    Suffice it to say, you're on my Google reader, so I always read your posts.

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    1. There are so many blogholes out there, it is to gain followers probably because they a) want to look cool or b) are only doing this to make money

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  6. I knew we were meant to be together forever. :) I'm thinking Sister Wives...as long as you are the one that works.

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  7. This my friend is farking genius. You nailed it and I now feel like a Bloghole because I just realized that I really wasn't following you HERE yet. You really got it right and I am RT this shit. Mainly because I can and you can't stop me.

    While I do love hosting the Blog Hop, I do have to admit that I DISlike the number whores. I wish people would realize that those numbers really don't mean shit. You can have thousands of "followers", but if they aren't reading, it's totally pointless.

    Interesting.....

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    1. ABSOLUTELY!!! I have had several good followers from your hop, it was the first one I joined and the only one I follow every week

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  8. I just peed a little!!! It would have ben alot, but i have a raging UTI and i'm all jacked up. You rock my fat face off! I am following you. But i'm scared inside ;-)

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  9. hahahahahahaa I haven't laughed so hard in so long LOL that was hilarious! okay gonna follow/unfollow and run and hide! *giggle* *giggle*

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  10. OMG! You nailed it!! I swear I get a few of these a week and it annoys me!!!

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    1. I don't get why people think no one notices, generally you are a new blogger when you join and you watch your shit like a hawk...

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  11. Holy shit, I really am naive because I follow several blog hops and yeah, one moment I have all these followers and then the next day several are gone...I seriously had NO iDEA people could be that much of a Bloghole (great term, BTW) as to follow and then unfollow. I'd LIKE to do that to some people but I don't even know HOW to do that on GFC. So true about the hops that promise if you leave a comment they will follow back, or that if you follow the host, she will %100 follow you back. Damn, half the time the host and co-host NEVER follow back, which really pisses me off after I spent 15 min. reading their blog posts, commenting (and dealing with all the captcha BS) an signing up as a follower. HOWEVER, I like to troll the blog hops for interesting bloggers---I like to look at the blogs THEY follow on their sidebar...and that, my dear, is how I found YOU, and I am sooo damn glad I did because you are hilarious and keepin' it real--that's what I love about you! Keep rockin' it---you've got a follower for life here!!!

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    1. some of my faves are from trolling blog hops that I never joined

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  12. I must restate: you said Bloghole. Awesome!! Love it!

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    1. thanks! I would have never wrote this if others hadn't said it happened to them too. I am an asshole I know why peeps don't follow me, I am fine with that but don't be a dick and lie or have ugly kids who are perfect...

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  13. This is why I tend to avoid blog hops!
    Bloghole. Let's put that word into play everyday. There are enough reasons to use it on a daily basis!

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    1. I just had to use it. Someone committed #5 on my blog. Seriously? If you didn't read it, just don't bother to comment. Sheesh.

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    2. Did you call someone it? If you did you win balls of the year in my book, I may make you up a little button to hang on the side of your blog. If I leave a comment I follow the comments for the blog I have seen the exact same shit no less than 5 times since I hit publish

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  14. Hahaha!! I participated in my first blog hop a few weeks ago and because I thought it was all nice and dandy I co-hosted another one today. I was noticing that some followers but it didn't even cross my mind that people would be that shallow from the blog hop?! If you don't wanna read, don't follow in the first place!

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    1. Exactly.. Just watch and feel free to call them a bloghole and send me a screenshot I would LOVE to see

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  15. I am not familiar with blog-hops, but I'm going to check them out as they sound like great places to find douchebags and make fun of them.

    Now, go visit my site, read, leave comments, retweet my shit, like my FB page, clean my toilet, and buy me something shiny.

    NOW.

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  16. Oh my god. I think I'm obsessed with you in the least creepy way possible.

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  17. I feel really dumb because I did read all the blogs on the blog hop. I even read the bad ones. Every. single. one. Cry me a river it was a long day.

    I can't stop laughing about the people that follow for a day and then unfollow and then seven days later do it again. Seriously, I keep trying to convince myself that most people are smart, but they just keep proving me wrong over and over again.

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    1. I shit you not 3 weeks in a row at least... Common sense must be taught some people just don't acquire it like the rest of us

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  18. You know I don't read all of the blogs in a blog hop. I also dont participate. And am I weird that I don't participate in giveaways. I want to read about you and what kinds of ideas you have or short cuts or funny stories. I don't need a giveaway if your content is good.

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    1. Yep. I may do a giveaway. Something I buy myself because it is just that damn ridiculous... maybe butt padding?

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  19. I'm peeing in my granny panties. Well done, lady! ..."Follow Me Bitches!" LOL.

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  20. Dammit. You are my fucking blog hero!! Thank you for calling out the top blog holes. I don't even need a drink tonight. You have filled me with so much euphoria I may even be nice to my husband for the first time since my second trimester!

    I'm so thankful for your ass! Xx

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    1. Tell him he can thank me with alcohol, I will send my address lol

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  21. You know what I feel the same way. Why bother leave a comment when you aren't even going to follow me. It is a waste of my time to actually follow the rules out of common courtesy of a blog hop and when I follow someone I expect them to follow me back. I mean what is the point of a person doing a blog hop if they won't follow back. You are awesome and I love your "I don't beat around the bush" attitude. I may have to use your Bloghole comment, because man there are a bunch of them.

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  22. I'm linking this page on a post right now so other people can come read some truth and feel it. Hopefully, that will reduce a few of those blogholes. LOL love that word!

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  23. Ah, there are so many things I love about this post that I don't even know where to begin. I think the ugly kids part is my favorite though, LMAO! I was like, "Wait did she really just say that? Oh yes she did"!!! I'm proud to have my blog name displayed at the end of this post and to have a tiny part in a couple of these (interesting, lol) :) You wrote it a thousand times better than I ever could've! Awesome!

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  24. I think we need to push the term bloghole into the dictionary.

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    1. Yeah! I will submit to Urban Dictionary as soon as I figure out how...

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  25. crapppp.... I think I may have done one of those.... don't hate me for being a bloghole. I am really enjoying your stuff... and now I'm heading to look for your fb page. LOL I don't do the bloghop often, and if and when I do... I only read and follow those that interest me... cuz well... I don't usually play well with others either. I'm here and I'm not queer.. and I'm staying put cuz this was AWESOME!

    Sallygrrl
    @ Martha Stewart Doesn't Live Here

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    1. thanks for that... I was totally reading this and thinking... oh noesss... I'm a bloghole. I don't want to be a bloghole. I'm just not a great follower of etiquette. So, in conclusion... I'm not a bloghole... I'm just awkward and have no clue what I'm doing.

      Your shit IS golden... and I may have peed my pants a bit. True Story....

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  26. I don’t know if you’re familiar with the Liebster Blog Award, but it’s a great way for bloggers to recognize and encourage each other. It’s a compliment, blogger style. I recently received the award and, because I follow and enjoy your writing, am bestowing it on you. Read my post here then write you own and link back to me. I hope you’ll enjoy paying it forward as much as I have. Happy blogging.

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  27. I've been thinking about giving up on blog hops because of blogholes - but then I clicked over to your blog and discovered a really funny writer. Now following you on Twitter and FB because I AM NO BLOGHOLE. Come visit me, too.

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    1. Haha! I followed your twitter earlier! I read up on every person who comments or follows me... Just have to get up off my ass and get to the computer

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  28. Interesting.....
    Seriously, I can't stand blogholes who follow you only because they want you to follow them back, and then unfollow you the next day because you didn't. I only follow blogs that I really like. I may visit and make a comment about your post, but I don't follow unless I really want to keep up with your posting. Kudos for this post. I couldn't have said it better!

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    1. I have been straight up with a few people after I read their blog, I was nice about it but I had to tell them they probably wouldn't like what they would read

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  29. Love that, BLOGHOLE very well stated! I vow to never become a bloghole..

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  30. I know many of these and yet to blast them for their blogholeness. In their defense, most of these holers are brand spanking new virgins to the blogging community. However, that's no excuse.
    I hope this post travels like wildfire educating the uneducated.
    You, my friend, have done this blogger's heart good.

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    1. I hope so too. I don't care if people follow me just get the message. I understand new bloggers, it was not geared toward them at all, I am a new blogger, I stared at the end of June, i understand about getting your name out but not just for numbers you can post on your sidebar. It should be about building a community of friends. A wise woman posted above it doesn't matter how many followers you have if they never read your shit...

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  31. The funniest thing I've read all day.

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  32. Great post! I try very hard not to be a Bloghole. I won't participate in blog hops where they expect you to do the follow and follow back crap. I'm actually glad GFC is gone (mostly). I will not follow someone on Twitter or Facebook unless I think I might really like it, and I don't expect anyone to do so for me.

    And just, "Bloghole" is a great word!

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    1. THANK YOU... I followed a bunch at first mainly because I thought you had to follow all of them, and realized once I read a few posts I liked them, I may not read their posts everyday but when I am in the mood for some crafty, food, fashion shit I knew who to go to and would read when in the mood for it.

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  33. I didn't realize that I was being a bloghole until your post, but I NEVER in a million years wanted to fall into the catergory. I have done blog hops and left the "follow me back" comments, but it's only been on blogs that I truly do like and want to stay in touch with. Hence why I'm here reading your blog because we are connected on Facebook. :) However, as a rookie blogger (even though I've been blogging for over a year, but I haven't been "marketing" my blog that long)I'm still learning the ropes of the "blogging communities."
    So, for someone like me I'm glad that you made this post. I have not liked someone and then removed a like. I do honestly read blog posts (as you can tell.) I don't leave short comments, unless I'm short on time. :)

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    1. that is not what I mean... It is saying follow me back on blogs you will never read JUST to bring your numbers up. New bloggers have to get their name out I understand that but once you have a few followers under your belt you can stop. What is your blog? Most of the time when I check it goes to a personal facebook page with no link to the blog. And you bet your ass I check every one of my readers :)

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  34. Yay for finding you. I love your sarcasm, it makes me stabby.
    Im thinking of several people who fit these categories and kinda want to direct them to you the next time they leave generic comments on my blog.

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    1. Feel free, grab the link. If you do send me a little email with a screenshot....That would make my week!

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  35. Bahahaha! That's why I'm done hopping. Lame! BTW Antoine Dodson is the guy you were referencing. One of the funniest news interviews in the history of broadcast journalism!!!!

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  36. Seriously. I came over to grab the link to this for tomorrow and I couldn't help but read this again. Some day, and it could be sooner rather than later, I WILL call someone a bloghole. I can not WAIT! I am so glad we have met. It was our destiny.

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  37. I'm a bit pleased that I don't even know how to blog hop. I will watch out for them on the beltway. I suspect they are there in droves.

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  38. Adore this. Participated in one blog hop. Had to sanitize my hands, eyes, and laptop after. I feel so ashamed and so violated... They told me it was just punch...

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  39. Antoine Dodson, bed intruder. Hysterical! The Gregory Brothers did the little mix of it and they later did one called "Backin Up" that you MUST google and watch - I think it is even better than the bed intruder one.
    AAANNNYYYY WHO....I am a regular ole non-blogger/mom/person that likes to laugh till I pee (it's not hard to do) and I started just reading blogs about a year ago (pesky little elf). I only read ones I like and when I like them, I like them all the way (google follow, fb, twitter, etc)! I absolutley adore Tara at TKIHAYHT, among several of her buds. I saw you on the blog hop and came on over and found this very funny! SO, you have gained a new follower, as is intended with blog hops, I think. Even little ole me can spot a bloghole when I see them. I can't read every blog on earth, but I do try out the ones that my girls recommend and I see those comments and they look like a bloghole from a mile away.
    I like it when I read a blog and don't feel like it is only for other bloggers. Because, while I know many of you read eachother, there are regular readers out here also. (not speaking to this specific post, I mean when one does it all the time)
    So rock on funny "mommy" bloggers, and eff off blogholes!!
    Devan

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  40. aaanddd, WOW! Sorry about the gargantuan comment! :)

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  41. oh, holy crap. I'm following you and not gonna UNfollow, because I think I just met the person who speaks out loud what I think in my head. Thank you to YKIHAYHT for pointing me in your direction. I don't care if you ever come to my page or not. I'm sticking around here.

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