Wednesday, September 5, 2012

How a biker ruined my day...

Yesterday I was just pissed off. For no reason whatsoever. Everyone knows you love to be woken up by some motorcyclist at the asscrack of dawn because he is revving his engine in front of your house. He literally woke me up, I had time to put on a bra, walk outside and tell "move along, little biker boy, I have kids sleeping". It was 5:30 in the morning. Five- Thirty in the morning! That is for parents with newborns who are pissed they have to be up or the elderly setting their alarm to make sure they didn't die in their sleep. He looked at me like I was crazy and I told him to "put a helmet on I don't have time to clean his brain off my front yard". He then found the chance to pull off into the barren street. Asshole.

I went in to make coffee and the damn thing leaked all over and brewed no coffee. I was forced to go get a Diet Coke. I love my Diet Coke, don't get me wrong but at 5:33 in the morning you want some damn coffee. It didn't help that I had a touch of the beer flu from my friends birthday party the night before. Remember when your mom told you that you couldn't have play dates on school nights? SHE WAS RIGHT!!!

I was just pissed off. I babysat that day, two littles a 2 year old and a newborn. They didn't piss me off but my own kids did. Don't get me wrong, my house is a pint-sized frat party 24/7. There is always someone naked, a never ending game of kool-aide pong, the furniture is flipped over for no apparent reason and someone is always pissing in the bushes. The majority of the time it doesn't even faze me at all. Yesterday it did. Everything pissed me off. I wanted to throw rocks at the birds because their happy asses were chirping.

 When I drove to the store to get milk I flicked off every damn person I passed, just because I was feeling it. When I checked out the lady tried to make small talk, I pretended I didn't speak English. I am fully aware a blonde haired blue eyed girl saying "no hablo Englais" is ridiculously absurd, but her dumbass fell for it and nodded her head and counted my change back each penny at a time and very loud. "I said I don't speak English, not that I am deaf or stupid lady". Unfortunately, when I said it I broke character. I guess dealing with morons is an undesirable thing and miraculously breaks all language barriers?Yep. We are going with that.

Usually, I am not an asshole. In general I am a happy person, not the kind you want to shove a rainbow down their throat and a purple unicorn up their ass, just normal happy. I am very sarcastic and laugh all the time, probably more than necessary because the laugh lines are appearing before I even hit thirty. Although, I do have a sub par filter. You can never trust a dollar store grade filter. I have and keep friends and they either like my lack of filter or they just realize its part of my awesome package. I obviously passed that trait down to 4 and he took it to the extreme.

I was quite disappointed my kids didn't fall for my setting the clocks forward to put them to bed early. I have tried this many times before, but the damn tv would say the time on the front. When switching providers I specifically asked that I get a receiver that had to explanation of the time. I know they thought I was insane. But sometimes you just have to change the clocks, the ability to do is needs to be on a parent must know list.

Today I am back to normal and I am not afraid to play on the internet today. Pissed off-ness is contagious I didn't want to spread it to my internet friends. Your Welcome!


16 comments:

  1. how have I never heard the term "beer flu" before? thanks for opening me up to this wonderfulness.

    hope your day improves. put a little black electrical tape over the part on the tv where it shows what time it is, maybe? ;)

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    1. It is a wonderful excise, I wish I would have thought about the electrical tape...More than likely it is all used up booby trapping something though

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  2. AHAAHAHHA! Hilarious. I think we all have days like these. Or I hope we all do. I certainly do! I hate those days and on those days, I hate everyone and everything. My dog particularly annoys me on days like that when he whines to go outside, then whines to come in, then whines to go back out again...Oh man. I hate those days.

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    1. That is about how it was. I wanted to throw shit at people who were happy. it doesn't happen very often but when it does it is quite the mood around here

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  3. Oh yea, we all have those days! My poor fiance is usually the easiest target. He learned a long time ago that the best option is to stay far away from me on days like that! By the way, I don't think I've had the "beer flu", but I've had the "wine flu" and "vodka flu", is this a similar condition? Haha! Glad that today is better. Love your blogs, you are so funny. :)

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  4. The reason you had such a bad day is because you can't read cues. When the coffeemaker didn't work, that was your cue to go get a beer and continue the night before instead of trying to switch over to the new day. Next time you'll know.

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  5. Don't you just hate being overserved on school nights? The beer flu just seems more tolerable on weekends. Next time screw the Diet Coke and go for hair of the dog!!!

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  6. I have had days like that. Glad you are better today!

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  7. I know I'm gonna piss you off, but this whole post is really funny to me!!! :D

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  8. Oh no it doesn't piss me off! Yesterday possibly lol but that's why I strayed away from the Internet !

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  9. "Everything pissed me off. I wanted to throw rocks at the birds because their happy asses were chirping." Haha that is too funny. I feel like this quite often, so at least I know I am not all alone.

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  10. Lack of filter, I'm gonna like it here. That beerflu/coffee flub combo is never good, and on the same day..now wonder you could have thrown rocks at those chirping little shits - that would make anyone stabby.

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