Saturday, September 1, 2012

Anatomy of a girl fight...

My girls are about to drive me bat shit with their constant bickering...I have decided to type it as it is being said. Have a glass of wine or 3 and join me in my world.

1:"Why did you touch my stuff?" "Mom, she keeps touching my stuff, uhhhh I can't take it anymore."
2: "it is in myyyy room, so I can touch it, I can do whatever I want in my room"
Me: You share a damn room, in my house. I swear to god it is 11 am and you are already fighting... I am feeling day drinking in my future

1:" See mom is on MMMYYY side, I am her favorite and she just had you because she wanted another kid like me and she lost on that one"
2: "Mom doesn't even like you, she thinks you are shady and your boyfriends are dumb. And your shorts are too short, you just want boys to look at your big thighs and your cellulite"

I let that one go, her boyfriend choices are by far about the worst you can find and her shorts are too short. She is my favorite when she cleans and her rotten ass attitude is kept locked in her mouth and her shadiness has reached indefinable levels since she hit the double digits.

1: "at least I have curves, you look anorexic. You probably eat everything you see and you puke it up. You are always in the bathroom"
2: "I hate you, you don't even let me use the bathroom and it is in my room, you leave your makeup all over the place and you wear too much.You look like Alice from Twilight"
1: At least I don't look like Bella, she looks sick all the time just like you. And you never flush your pee in the toilet, you are grosser than the boys and I hate you"

Me: Come on! I am about to take your allowance money and hitch hike to the liquor store. My God. She is not anorexic and obviously someone thought Bella looked good enough to put on the damn tv. I told you to flush that toilet. Do you know how many germs are in an ounce of piss? And you just let them fester and breed and breathe it in and spread pissy nose germs throughout the house..I blame you when we are in the hospital

 4: Shut the hell up. Both of you are stupid. Mom should have skipped over you too and just had me.
Me : Language. Thank You!! My god I feel the same way for the moment. I just want them to shut the hell up too. Maybe if I send him an ESP signal he will break their shit so it will be them collaboratively pissed at him. He is tough he can take it.

2: "Well my boobs aren't always hanging out of my shirt looking stupid,  like you want boys to look at them you are just plain slutty"
1" "At least I have boobs and I wear a bra, your little boobs look like zits and show through your shirts. You are too immature to wear a bra, boys think you are weird and you play school all day long, what would (Name changed to protect the innocent) say if he heard you did that? You probably play barbies like a baby and marry him"

This turned into 2 writing on 1's precious little arm and 1 throwing the remote at her shattering it on the floor.
For god sakes why the remote? WHY?!? The channel will be stuck like this for days. Some dumbass thought the more streamlined look of no operating buttons on the front would be awesome. He is a moron. It is stuck on Disney channel forever. Watching nothing but kid shows for days or weeks on end is like being mind-raped by idiocracy.

Italics is what I thought, not what I said aloud and this was streamlined, I don't need any of my readers being commiteed.
I warned you to get a beverage, if you chose not to that's on you!

11 comments:

  1. Ahhh, I am sooo sorry! The terrible thing is that they sound exactly like my sister and I when we were teenagers! My poor mother!!! When I had the princess, I vowed not to have a child right away because I was afraid it would be a girl and they'd hate each other! How terrible is that?? Anyway, the good news is that now me an my sister are the best of friends and talk on the phone almost every day! Hope the day gets better. Day drinking always helps. Haha! ;)

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  2. Yep, more evidence Ollie needs to be an only child. Ugh. I say that and think of my shithole siblings that I love and cannot possibly imagine living one day without them all up in my 34 year old loser business. Maybe if number two is a girl they will ignore each other. Oh wait, I still told my brother he was a baby mix up at the hospital and that his real family was out there he just needed to go look for them.

    You were right, if only I had had a beverage first I would have just laughed at you and moved on. instead Im internalizing sibling bullshit.

    Cheers!

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  3. I never had girls; had two boys. They were excitement enough, thank you very much!

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  4. I have two sisters. Girl fights were not only frequent and annoying occurrences, but they were always ugly and there was a huge competition to get Mom to pick a "side.". I hope my next kid is a boy!

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  5. Boy fights are so much easier...They give each other a little ass kicking and its over! Girls are low blows and insane screaming...It drives me crazy!!!

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  6. When my girls were young, our house sounded just like this! "Eewww, you pick your scabs--you're a scab woman!" "Well, you never brush your teeth so no boy is EVER gonna kiss you!!" It went on and on, until their youngest brother got involved by throwing large items at them (a Barbie car, an iron.....) and that finally put an end to it. Today, my girls are BFFs, so there really is a light at the end of the tunnel!

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  7. DAY DRINKERS UNITE!!! I have 4 girls and 1 boy. Help me. Heeelllllp meeee.

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    1. Oh hell!! I have 2 girls and 3 boys... I will have a drink for you later!!

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  8. Thanks for stopping by! I am gladly returning the follow.

    Julie @ Naptime Review
    www.thenaptimereview.com

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