Thursday, September 6, 2012

Alcohol and Blue Pant Suit...

I live in the Midwest and every damn time I turn on the TV there is a commercial for Burlington Coat Factory. They are advertising this blue pant suit and that they have amazing prices. I call bullshit. If I could talk to the person in charge this is what I have to say...

When you advertise something on tv and want people to actually come to your store let's please not make it look like a pile of shit picked up at the Goodwill in 1994, when a bunch of rich bitches got around to cleaning out their closets. Have you heard of Cybil Shepard? This is what she wore. I am sure the ladies of Designing Women frequented this very same pant suit. Oh you have never heard of them? Really? Even Nick at Night doesn't run their shows because it is too damn old.

I am not sure if your "designers" all got drunk one night and went through their parent's stash of taped shows off the televsion, yes no DVR or Tivo back then, and thought it would be funny to see a bunch of  folks running around in this hideous pant suit, or they genuinely have no taste. To tell you the truth, if I were a designer I would ABSOLUTELY design stupid shit so when I people watch I could take all the credit and laugh my ass off until the jiggle was gone, unfortunately I lack the ability to draw a straight line so I could never make that team.

Please for all that is holy stop showing that damn pant suit. If I see someone in the general public in this suit there is no telling what I would do or say. It is completely unnatural for you expect someone to see this in the general public EVER. A petition will soon be upon your manufacturing plant's door step in protest of the absolute worst thing I have ever seen in history. I may be almost thirty but my parents dragged me through the 50's, 60's, and 70's in this Elvis Revival theater my dad played in, and was forced slightly against my will to perform in. I have seen it all bitches, and your shit is killing me!

Disclaimer: I may or may not have had a little to drink, when I read this tomorrow it may be a surprise... not the good kind- the kind when a condom breaks and two weeks later there is a plus sign on a urine filled stick...YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

12 comments:

  1. I'm pretty sure that's how they came up with parachute pants too.

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  2. So basically what you are saying, is you want the blue pantsuit for your birthday?

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  3. What? You don't like the pantsuit? I was gonna run out and get one, I thought everyone would be wearing one and I didn't want to be left out.

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  4. Add shoulder pads to that pantsuit and you could bring back the Dynasty look and become BFFs with Alexis and Crystal Carrington.

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  5. OOOOOHHHHHH, if you have a bedazzler, you could turn that pantsuit into a genuine costume for your comeback at the Elvis Revival theatre.

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  6. I love my internet friends... I totally screwed over a post and you still commented and made me laugh and feel like less of a dip shit for writing annebriated

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  7. One can never have enough blue pantsuits. Or blue eyeshadow. We don't have a Burlington Coat Factory. Now I just feel like I'm missing out. Explain. Is it a matching pantsuit, or more of a Onesie? Inquiry minds want to know....

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  8. It is a matching pant suit it is oversized and ugly... Seriously horrid

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  9. A blue pantsuit would be sweet-assed.
    That is all.
    Oh, and I may or may not be drunk right now.

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  10. Does it have shoulder pads? I'm sure it does, because I just saw that commercial not half an hour ago. I thought perhaps I was stuck in a weird time vortex... nope. Just good old Burlington Coat Factory. Anyway... stopped by from the Blog Hop... hi! I am enjoying inebriated blogging... I dabble in it myself. Stop by some time ;)

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  11. Hmm.....You're saying my polyester pantsuit with the shoulder pads is not in style? But the lady at Burlington assured me I was the cat's Meow!

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