Monday, August 13, 2012

Random things in monotonous chores

I am a stay at home mom. Part of that is finding a chuckle in the craptastic things you have to do. Like the dishes.

I hand wash dishes. I know it is quite nomadic. I would rather burn my hands off in hot soapy water than press a damn button. Yes I am just that stubborn. I always have soapy water in the sink and the kids are supposed to put their cleaned off dishes in the water. Yeah that happens ALL the time. Instead they choose to put other randomness into the bubbles. Here is a vague list in my head of what I have found..

A cup. Not the correct kind. The ball sweat kind. The juice from the testicles from an 8 year old chicken noodle smelling armpit child. Unfortunately, that shit sinks TO THE BOTTOM. That testicle juice infiltrated my precious clean soapy water and spread ball sweat onto my dishes. I had to rewash all of them in bleach. Not to mention clean the sink, counter tops, and window because I literally spewed my innards in the sink.

Toy cars and water guns. Again they are never half clean. They generally come from a hole that was dug in the yard and covered for months. I swear my kids are half canine because the random shit found from digging in the yard is quite possibly beyond human.

A tampon, well a few. My boys had a thing for tampons. I guess the discreetness and seduction of shit they will never need peaked an interest in these short people. I do not know how many times I have found tampons in the dish water, among other places. The boys have wars with them. One time just for shits and giggles I unwrapped pads and stuck them to their foreheads and told them it made them invisible. It only lasted until the oldest girl had a conniption and told them I was using them for a laugh. Buzz kill.

See doing dishes can be fun. Sort of.

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