One would think that proper attire for kindergarten drop off would just be a given. From the last 2 days, obviously some didn't get the mommy memo. I have seen a wide variety. I fit in somewhere.
Here are the types:
The "prissy mom". She is the one with the newest perfect haircut. Her clothes lack stains and holes, unless they are intentional. Her hair is always newly died. Jewelry is never optional and she wears high heels to drop off. Her nails are perfectly manicured. Her clothes always match. And her kid wears a tutu to kindergarten. Enough said.
I differ from her in that my clothes always have someone's lunch wiped across the front or shoulder of my shirt. I have to look really hard for a non-stained shirt. I don't even wear jewelry to funerals- its not like they can see anyway, sometimes to weddings, if I'm in a fancy mood. My hair belongs in the 1980's, I am wholeheartedly waiting for roots to come back in. My fingernails are always painted over, I feel like that little "bubble" of unchipped nail polish under my current color gives my nails character. No matter how hard I try my clothes will never match, my daily feat is changing from pajamas to real clothes. Heels? If you see me in heels, you are clearly being punked. In my mind I am thinking about how put together she looks and secretly betting her house has piles of fancy clothing and trash stacked to the celing with only a small walkway to get through. I know I am an imaginative little gal- more than likely you were hoping the same.
The "hot mom". She may or may not be hot or thin, but she sure as hell dresses like it. Her pockets are hanging out of her cut-offs and her shirt is skimpy and tight. Her make up is club-able. Her kid will undoubteldy have some sort of full out blang backpack with some word called Gucci. I have never encounterd that word on my shit personally, but it seems to be pretty popular. This one wasn't exactly thin and she had cellulite. The only time I show my cellulite off to the sun is when I am on a mission to get back at my children. As far as I'm concerned kindergarten is not an appropriate age to start with the whole publicly humiliating your child thing, by the time they need it they will have grown immune to it.
the "pajama mom". Fortunately I'm not exactly here yet... Her hair is a wreck. Woman has never heard of make-up or a toothbrush, or a hairbrush. I am so guilty of the lack of a hairbrush though. Her pajamas were found in the dumpster behind the local Goodwill along with her shoes. She has never left her child or let them see the light of day. She is sobbing and all the other weird mom's are consoling her. Stupid F**ks. They will get drawn in and she will go on about how Johnny weaned himself just last week. I nursed one til he was 3 and I feel I went a little overboard there.
The "tennis mom". She looks the dumbest of all. Do we believe that you just got off the court? Hell no. You look like an idiot in your spandex/ sweat wicking skirt and sports bra backed shirt. No word other than dumb can describe this. I am nothing like her, I am not a moron or shop regularly at a swanky sports shop at the entrance of the country club, the end. (not of my speal, just that I'm nothing like her)
The "normal mom". This is me. She puts on jeans, maybe from yesterday, but they are decent. Her shoes are fine. She has polished over nails too. Her make up is minimal and lacking that club feel. She is looking at her phone counting down the minutes until the kid goes in. She just wants the chance to piss alone, or with less of an audience. This mom is my automatic friend. We laugh about the fool looking mom's and their stupid kids. We hope like hell our kids will become friends and won't like the kids of those other moms. Does this work out, not always.
I hope I am the normal mom, please god. Wonder where all my other bloggy friends stand?hmmm...