Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Proper attire for Kindergarten drop off

One would think that proper attire for kindergarten drop off would just be a given. From the last 2 days, obviously some didn't get the mommy memo. I have seen a wide variety. I fit in somewhere.
 Here are the types:

The "prissy mom". She is the one with the newest perfect haircut. Her clothes lack stains and holes, unless they are intentional. Her hair is always newly died. Jewelry is never optional and she wears high heels to drop off. Her nails are perfectly manicured. Her clothes always match. And her kid wears a tutu to kindergarten. Enough said.

I differ from her in that my clothes always have someone's lunch wiped across the front or shoulder of my shirt. I have to look really hard for a non-stained shirt. I don't even wear jewelry to funerals-  its not like they can see anyway, sometimes  to weddings, if I'm in a fancy mood. My hair belongs in the 1980's, I am wholeheartedly waiting for roots to come back in. My fingernails are always painted over, I feel like that little "bubble" of unchipped nail polish under my current color gives my nails character. No matter how hard I try my clothes will never match, my daily feat is changing from pajamas to real clothes. Heels? If you see me in heels, you are clearly being punked. In my mind I am thinking about how put together she looks and secretly betting her house has piles of fancy clothing and trash stacked to the celing with only a small walkway to get through. I know I am an imaginative little gal- more than likely you were hoping the same.

The "hot mom". She may or may not be hot or thin, but she sure as hell dresses like it. Her pockets are hanging out of her cut-offs and her shirt is skimpy and tight. Her make up is club-able.  Her kid will undoubteldy have some sort of full out blang backpack with some word called Gucci. I have never encounterd that word on my shit personally, but it seems to be pretty popular. This one wasn't exactly thin and she had cellulite. The only time I show  my cellulite off to the sun is when I am on a mission to get back at my children. As far as I'm concerned kindergarten is not an appropriate age to start with the whole publicly humiliating your child thing, by the time they need it they will have grown immune to it.

the "pajama mom". Fortunately I'm not exactly here yet... Her hair is a wreck. Woman has never heard of make-up or a toothbrush, or a hairbrush. I am so guilty of the lack of a hairbrush though. Her pajamas were found in the dumpster behind the local Goodwill along with her shoes. She has never left her child or let them see the light of day. She is sobbing and all the other weird mom's are consoling her. Stupid F**ks. They will get drawn in and she will go on about how Johnny weaned himself just last week. I nursed one til he was 3 and I feel I went a little overboard there.

The "tennis mom". She looks the dumbest of all. Do we believe that you just got off the court? Hell no. You look like an idiot in your spandex/ sweat wicking skirt and sports bra backed shirt. No word other than dumb can describe this. I am nothing like her, I am not a moron or shop regularly at a swanky sports shop at the entrance of the country club, the end. (not of my speal, just that I'm nothing like her)

The "normal mom". This is me. She puts on jeans, maybe from yesterday, but they are decent. Her shoes are fine. She has polished over nails too. Her make up is minimal and lacking that club feel. She is looking at her phone counting down the minutes until the kid goes in. She just wants the chance to piss alone, or with less of an audience. This mom is my automatic friend. We laugh about the fool looking mom's and their stupid kids. We hope like hell our kids will become friends and won't like the kids of those other moms. Does this work out, not always.

I hope I am the normal mom, please god. Wonder where all my other bloggy friends stand?hmmm...

13 comments:

  1. Haha, I am not quite at the kindergarten stage yet, but I hope to God I am the 'normal mom!'

    ReplyDelete
  2. There are too many abnormals to count. Most of them don't gather with other normals on the internet :) I'm sure you will be fine

    ReplyDelete
  3. I fall into the 'normal mom' category as well :)

    Unfortunately for me, there aren't a lot of moms like me where my boys go to school, so I'm almost always a loner.

    Thanks for linking up for the Mommy Brain Mixer and following me. I'm following you back. Nice to meet you.

    -Jackie
    Chronicles of Momnia

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so glad I have found your blog (Thirsty THursday). I taught Kindergarten forever, so I've seen all these moms. They NEVER change. Glad to read you are the normal kind (Thank God) :) I just took my son to his high school registration and thought, Oh, how nice that these moms went back to school shopping! (for themselves). Are 6 inch heels and 300 dollar jeans really necessary for taking your child to pick up a schedule? I'm guessing schedules weren't the only things they were hoping to pick up. Man, I think I still need coffee....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you found me :) My icon sometimes says shellybean.
      My blog is http://followmehome.shellybean.com
      Come on over if you already haven't!

      Delete
  5. I fall under "normal" in the sense that yes, my clothes are clean-ish , they fit me and I took a shower. No gym clothes here, or trendy clothes. I also have a 2 year old in tow who wants to make any quiet time , un-quiet really fast.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I wish there was a "like" button for all the comments, I love them all. Thanks for reading

    ReplyDelete
  7. LMAO! I am a mix between the normal and prissy mom! I loved the post and I am a new follower. I found you on the TGIF hop. Stop by and say hello. http://www.thesexysinglemommy.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. I hope I am a normal mom but I often forget to brush my hair and wear make up only once have a gone in public in pjs, but it was bed time and my daughter fell off the top bunk and bit through her lip!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Normal is... well best of course. But, throw them off course a bit and priss it up sometimes. :) oh, and I make sure I keep a spare pair of flip flops in the car in case I mismatch somedays on my way to work.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You are hilarious! I loved "she just wants the chance to piss alone, or with less of an audience." Yes! Only one or two kids hanging out with me is like a vacation. Today was my Eldest's first day of kindergarten and I was able to be a "normal" mom, but I fear I will be sliding into Pajama Mom territory faster than I would like. That kid has to be outside waiting for the bus by 7am - unfair!

    ReplyDelete