Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Pine tar baths anyone???

My house is crazy, I am sure I am not the only one- to say the least we have a little entertainment going on at any given moment! The events you are about to see unfold is about 30 minutes of one day. If I blogged about everything it would be just short of a novel, and you might need anxiety pills.

So yesterday I tried the Lime-A-Rita. I had a huge dislike, I posted that on Facebook. Every one thought I was crazy. So while responding and doing my Facebook stuff 3 wanted to play catch, so with my iced down watered down drink  (and not in a sippy cup, the kids use my wine glasses for kool-aide so this was a rarity) I obliged. Then 2 came out to tell me about her life woes and her worries about having a fat teacher. The kid has been scared of fat people since she was little, literally having panic attacks at the local Walmart. She went through a few years of counseling and she's better, just not all the way there. 4 was showing me ninja moves at the same time. Who can multi-task? This bitch, or so I thought.

During this time 5 found the pine tar and poured it on the concrete, and rolled in it. All over his clothes hands feet and hair. You have got to be fng kidding me!!! Upon taking him into the sink and scrubbing him with dish soap, I realized this shit isn't budging and decided he just need to wear full legnth pj's and socks and gloves, so he wouldn't track it any farther.

After dressing him for winter, can you say Christmas in July anyone? We made it happen. I was cleaning up the family room upon looking up I see 4 butt ass naked and say "for god sakes, get some pants on". After hearing this 3 who was just as naked stood on the bench and started singing the wiggle wiggle wiggle part of the sexy and I know it song- in full out dance. Quite scarring. Of course before 4 would put on his pants he had to act out the actions of the ape at the zoo. (previous post about the zoo) How this kid has not contracted a shit bourne illness is beyond me.

3 decided to walk over and pat my stomach and call me "fatzilla". I decided to teach him a lesson and pull my shorts up and roll up my shirt and walk around like that. We were all lauging and the kids were pulling their best fat jokes. Including singing "biggie biggie biggie can't you see". Oh they had another thing coming if they thought that would break me. They all had to apoligize and tell me I was the skinniest most beautiful mom around.

4 always plays baseball on the stairs and I mean ALWAYS, if its not being thrown at the fireplace he's throwing a ball up the stairs and diving to get it. This time he hit me, I told him to give me the ball and apologize. Of course he didn't so I chased him down and took the glove and ball away. He kept reaching for it so I put it down the back of my pants. The kid busted out in tears, maybe I took it to far? Or so I thought until I saw him grab out the sewing machine trying to piss on it. Really? Really.  Mmmm. Looks like someone's all- star weekend is gone.

So back to the yard and playing baseball with the kids, 5 yells damn it. I walked over to tell him not to say that. I was informed that "yeah, when the ball stick in there, yeah, duh that's a damn it". Clearly.

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