Monday, August 27, 2012

What I learned at Kindergarten...drop off that is.

I was dropping 4 off at kindergarten again today. I thought he had scared this lady off last week telling her "my mom doesn't like you and your legs are lumpy", no such luck. Maybe she wanted an apology or she is lonely, who knows?

I took the advice of an anonymous commenter from a previous post about proper attire for kindergarten drop off and wore some fancy-ish clothes. The mom came over and said your backside looks good, what do you do? Obviously this can't be a come on because she said backside. And what do you mean, what do I do. I have 5 kids, I couldn't keep it off no matter how hard I try. I eat, you know food. She should probably try it once in a while. I told her I didn't know what she meant. She said like underwear. Yeah I wear them most of the time. I could have left it at that but I was curious. Then there it was, something I have not heard of...padded panties.

I didn't even try to hold it in. I don't care how much of a bitch this woman thinks I am. That shit is funny. I thought she was joking.  Really? Who has kids and thinks damn, that 3rd one didn't get it done. Don't really want to have another kid to fill in my ass so I will try padded panties. I have heard of Spanx, push up bras and such but never padded panties.

I figured I should check into this and see if she was bullshitting me to get back at for what my kid said. She sure as F wasn't. Oh it gets better.

I found out that women can not only buy padded bras and padded panties, but also padding for their hips. I mean this is like 5th grade and someone spills milk on their shirt at lunch and their boobies disintegrate and fall like cottage cheese to the floor. You are in shock, you almost feel bad people have to do this but yet you piss your pants laughing.
Then I keep looking. I know I should have stopped there. You can only take in so much absurd information in one day. But yet I keep on and found something shocking, horrifying and completely out of the realm of things I thought were possible.

The Shock Jock Collection. Yes, you heard it correctly. The Shock Jock Collection. I shit you not they have padded panties for men. FOR THE BACK AND THE FRONT. I can hardly wrap my head around it. I am flabbergasted. Really. Women are chock full of false advertising with the hair dye, make up, and of course the help of Victoria and all her dirty little secrets. But men? WOW?

I wish I could copy the picture but I guess there are stupid little copyright laws. 

This is literally the funniest thing I have ever seen. I couldn't imagine wearing silicone on my ass but to put that on your package. Holy shit. How can that even be healthy? How does this work? You lure a girl in and then she realizes you are a fraud. If she doesn't just walk out right then it's not like you could knock her up to keep her, your little swimmies have heat stroke and they just can't go on.

I suggest you to Google the Shock Jock Collection. The pictures of the stuffing is something you could probably live without but shouldn't.


  1. MIND = BLOWN.

    I will have to google this when I get home.... not sure I want "shock jock" coming up over the work servers, haha.

  2. OMG this is ridiculous! I see white elephant gifts coming out of these!

  3. This is hilarious my husband and I were just joking about this!

  4. You just made my Christmas list AWESOME!!! LOL!!

  5. Oh my goodness, your insane and funny....I think I love you.


    Gwen @

  6. Googling from my phone on my home network asap! Imagine when these people disrobe at night. They turn into totally different people!

    1. god only knows what women would think when they hear the thump hitting the floor... Almost brings a new perspective on rubbers..

  7. I love all the comments...Let me know if you google it and how hard you laughed. I can't wait to hear what you think :)

  8. I did a blog about Booty-Pop Panties a while back! lol

  9. I am going to have to stalk your shits and find it! I am sure it's awesome

  10. FIrst of all, I can't wait to check out the site. Christmas gifts, anyone? Secondly, I FINALLY got my butt in gear and accepted your award. Thanks for it and making me laugh daily!

  11. Thanks for the laugh! I needed it this morning (it has been a non-stop whine fest over here). New follower, stopping by from the Blog Hop! I agree with Michele--we do a gag gift exchange every Christmas and this would be perfect!! :)

  12. I wore this once at a Halloween!.
    I am your newest follower..pls follow back if you can.

  13. OMG I can't believe these things actually exist! Too bad they were not around when I was a kid---would had come in handy when my dad used to whip my ass for getting into trouble!