This weekend we had to go into the real world. I don't care much for that place. It's filled with germs. All kinds. Rude germs. Jerk germs. Nosy germs. And the worst of all asshole germs. When you have a big family and you go into the general public it is an absolute must to protect yourself. I am not sure why, but parents seem to be the hardest hit. It is an epidemic. A preventable tragedy.
The symptoms are constant staring, lots of personal question asking and the general conditions of knowing it all and constant judgement. Please avoid these type of people as they are infected.
I saw this virus a few times this weekend. I had narrowly escaped. We have to be diligent in keeping the spread of this virus low. There is only once course of treatment and that is shock and awe with a quick get away. These are my stories and how I deal with the asshole virus. Please read so you too can prevent the spread of this unnecessary tragedy.
1: The infected lady was about middle aged, her question "Are they all yours?"
I responded with " It is hard to say, I have been with so many women." I then walked away. I wish I had a camera attached to my back to see her expression when she finally got it. I heard a huh, what, what huh. I am unsure as to why anyone would ask a question of these sorts. It seems stupid, because who in their right mind would grab a couple of extra kids and take them into public. I sure as hell wouldn't. I personally have never heard of a traveling gypsy daycare. There could be one. Maybe I should check into that...
Case 2: The infected was also a mother, an older one. Her conversation was general and decent. I was fairly certain at that point she did not have it. Then BAM! Low blow.
"Do you get help, like you know, like government?" I guess she had assumed that since I dress as though I am homeless, that I in fact get government services. Ok, lady this friendly shit isn't going to work out. I know you have it now. And I am not going to just let that one slide. I look homeless because I have to feed 7 people moron. Here is how I dealt with this asshole:
With a secretive look on my face I said "Quick look, over there", pointing to some bushes. The lady looked scared and curious saying what, what, looking around for a snake or a kidnapper.
"It's the secret service, they watch to make sure I don't spill the secret"
Lady was looking around really freaked out holding on to her child fearing for his life. And asked what secret? At this point I was seriously about to loose it laughing. I just kept looking around like I was watching for spies while trying to come up with something good. This lady was about to crap her pants for real. So I told her "it's because I found out where the AAS serum was stored". She totally fell for it and asked what AAS serum is? I told her "it is the anti-asinine serum". She asked what it was. I told her "it is a serum that prevents asninity from infiltrating the general public". I could see her starting to put it all together, I gave her a big smile and walked away.
That my friends is how you deal with assholes. I understand some people are just curious but sometimes they just plain cross the line. We cannot let this go on. And when you don't have a whole Hell of a lot going on in your life it gives you something to laugh about for hours! Unfortunately we now have an Asshole Epidemic.