Thursday, August 30, 2012

4 and his phone calls

4 is his own type of person. He is smart, funny and clever wrapped in a little shit blanket. He knows numbers, he has since he was about 3 or 4. This has been a problem.

Most kids call 911 or China. Not my kid. He calls his school and an infomercial.

4 brought home a "green day" from kindergarten, which is good and extremely surprising. When he brought it home I was almost wondering if she gave it to him to show what would happen IF he could be good. Nope. He was good, he probably had a fever, that is the only time that kid isn't rocking out some sort of evil plan.

My kid wasn't very fond of the green day so he took my phone and called his school. He matched the letters on his folder to the letters on my phone. Clever. Except how he used that knowledge. He called someone and said " Yeah I got a green day, AND I DON'T GIVE A CRAP. I looked at the number, of course it was the school. I am fairly certain they have caller ID. Which is truly thrilling. I have 3 kids that go to that school and it would be pretty easy to know which one did it. They didn't call back, maybe they didn't catch the number? Hopefully he went to voice mail or was put on hold. I can dream right?

Yesterday I hear 4 talking to someone, but I didn't hear a response. Oh shit! This is bad. Are the fng cops are going to be busting in my door any minute? God only knows what that kid is saying. So I listen...
"If someone brought that to my college I would kick their ass. I am 6 and I know that is DUMB. Why don't you stop selling this crap and get a real job?"

I stood there trying to figure out the plan of action and asked who he was talking to. He looked at the TV and hung up really quick. My kid called an infomercial and lied to them. He would totally kick someone's ass for bringing a snuggleuppet or a light up pillow, whatever it was, to college- that isn't a lie. He would form a committee for that. He is not 6 he is 5. Although he has been saying he was 6 since he was 2 and truly believed he was 6.

I would like to say I am shocked at what he did. I am not. No matter how hard I try I can't get a filter on that kid. If they sold them on ebay I would pay top dollar. Other than duct tape there is nothing. Since I can't condone duct taping a kid I guess I just better brace myself for the next few years...

25 comments:

  1. Your posts always make me laugh out loud. I'd love to comment on every one of them, but don't want to seem to be the stalker that I am.

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    1. Haha! I don't think you are a stalker! I love comments, they are exciting :)

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  2. OMG! That child will grow up to be president! lol

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  3. HAHAHAHA!!!! I have a feeling you understand my kids better than a lot of folks! Good luck, girlie. :)

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  4. Next few years? Girl you gotta lifetime of fun from this one !

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  5. Too funny! Glad I found you. :) Cyn (A.D.D. Music Mamma)

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  6. Love it. I feel for you, but what a kid. You will never have to worry about some little piece of crap making him feel bad about himself at school, that's for sure. Now, you just need to figure out how to channel that mouth for good. Like sticking up for the little guy. Then, he could still smart off, but for a good cause.

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  7. I'm a new reader and will definitely be back - very funny.

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  8. Found you via blog hop and I am so freaking staying!

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  9. Found you on the blog hop, and I nearly squirted water out my nose. Fabulous!

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  10. Haha LOVE this! Stopping by from the TGIF blog hop and am now your newest follower:) Hope you can come check out Crazy Mama Drama !
    http://crazy-mama-drama.blogspot.com/
    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Crazy-Mama-Drama/259491484156846

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  11. OMG!!! I promise I tried real hard not to laugh....but I couldn't hold it in!! Good luck with that one!!! I just hopped over from the weekend blog walk. You can find me at graceful-disaster.blogspot.com.

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  12. If you didn't mention the words coming out of his mouth, I would think that you were talking about my kid! So funny!

    Found you at the TGIF Blog Hop. Check me out at: http://www.100lbcountdown.com

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  13. haha can't help but laugh!

    Happy Friday! Stop by and say hello! :)
    nichollvincent.blogspot.com

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  14. LMAO!! I LOVE the name of your blog! That is totally me. So much for the PTA. Unless making the 11 o'clock news is my fate...

    I found you on the blog hop. I am now a devoted follower!

    www.firsttimemoanddad.com

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  15. I'm SO glad I found your blog. Your child sounds like he is my people! I can't wait to read more :-)

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  16. Holy shit are you my twin? I LOVE your blog. I'm skimming through blogs on the blog hop and here you are. My youngest is a lot like your #4 except now he is almost 17 and still a major pain in the ass, God help him. When he was a toddler he dialed 911 from our house----3 cops showed up to inspect our house...in the middle of my tupperware party. I think the ladies thought I was having an entirely different kind of party when three dudes showed up in uniform. My son is still the king of pranks and I'm stupid enough to fall for them. LOVE your blog and so happy I found you. Newest GFC follower from the Friday blog hop. I would LOVE it if you can stop by my site ( I write only humor---mostly about the stupid shit I get into w/ my husband, kids, and way too many animals). PLease come by and say hello---hopefully if you like what you read you'll follow me back...we seem to think alike when it comes to our family life.

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  17. Oh my goodness! It sounds like you have your hands full! I have to say, I kind of admire the kid! He speaks his mind and that takes courage. I am looking forward to reading more of your posts! Found you through TGIF Blog Hop. :)

    www.thatsuburbanmomma.com

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    1. i tried to leave a comment but the robot stuff wouldn't allow it :)

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  18. You are a riot!!! A very resourceful one you got there. A future attorney or politician fo' sho!!!! Newest follower from weekend blog walk.

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  19. As someone with 2 teenagers who bakes to relieve stress, I want to offer a little advice about the filter thing. I've learned (the hard way), that they say less when their mouths are full.

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  20. This is classic stuff! If 4 can call BS now - I'm seeing a bright, bright (and candid) future. Love this!

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  21. I LOVE all the comments! Looks like I have found a few more blogs to follow :)

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  22. Hi! I am your newest follower and your stories are so wonderful to read, I would love a follow back at http://lefthandedideas.com :)

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