Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Peddlers, beware...

There was a guy selling candles for his daughter's friend to go to St. Jude. For the past several years it has been the same story and even though I have moved he always lives a few houses down. The man  is a peddler, maybe homeless, probably a drug addict. He had just gotten arm surgery last year, and again this year- half assed wrapped arm, coincidence? not at all.  Story is always the same : he always started with 2 cases of candles and only has two left, and every one of my neighbors have donated $20 or more. Dumbasses.  I take no pity on people who knock at my door and try to sell shit, especially a dollar store candle for twenty bucks- more than likely for his meth fix.

4 took over and grabbed a candle, they guy asked for a donation. 4 said "you should pay me to take this crap, and I remember you, if that girl didn't go to the hospital already she's probably already dead, or you're a liar"( he always talks in this know it all/nonchalant way), and took off running with the candle in hand. I figured he had this one. The guy was quite upset he stole the candle so I retrieved it and handed it back, the guy again asked for a dontaion. I informed him giving him his 3 year old candle for his peddling scheme was plenty and smiled, he left.

Kids found the poppers from the 4th of July. 4 being half Doofenschmirtz and all saw an opportunity and seized it. He took a handful of poppers and threw them at the propane tank on the grill. I asked him why he did that? I really should know better. He told me he wanted to see if he could make it blow up... duh?!?

While talking to him about how dangerous this could be, he seemed as though he was listening but suddenly he informed me when he grows up and becomes a genius he will make a machine that will turn him into a tiger gnat and he could steal guns and money and then turn back into a person. Obviously this one has high hopes for his future. Dear God, please just let him be a fiction writer and never pursue his dreams of blowing up buildings and becoming a gnat... During this time I hear "Oh shit, Oh shit" and giggles.  Parents of boys know giggles must be taken seriously, and swift ninja type action must be taken immediately. Yep, 3 had apparently frozen some bottles of water and was cutting the ice blocks from their plastic. I had to chase the kid around trying to get the ice block as 3 was tossing it onto furniture and quickly rolling and diving to grab it before I could get it. The kid missed and dropped it on my foot- needless to say he got to watch his "creation" cook on the stove and I limped around. That child is now grounded for eternity- he has to wait until he is an adult to play on my phone.

Later I thought we were having company so I cleaned up the downstairs and told the kids to keep it clean while I cleaned upstairs...
Nailed it!!! On top of that someone peed in the trash can... lovely.


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