Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Oh shit...

My kid has a problem... He sits on the toilet and doesn't wait for the turd to "plop", and he never flushes. This kid is fucking disgusting- I literally wipe all handles and do a quick swipe of all the walls with bleach weekly.

This week has been BAD, I literally have had to hose out 10 pairs of pants. This is the kid that when gets pissed off at siblings will merely drop trow and bend over. He told me his crusties are his friends- I felt sad for a minute, until the smell of 3 day old rotting carcass eminated my airways.

This kid pulls the shit and get, sometimes the crap hits the floor, sometimes it's in his pants- which he always wears up his ass crack, probably to keep the crusties intact?!?

Today there were 4 incidences, the 3rd time I told him if he shit in his pants again I was going to hose his ass off. Obviously he took that as a challenge, he's 5 1/2 he's been crapping on a toilet since I took his diapers away at 2- the kid knows better. I figured after 3 he'd be done, how many times can a kid poop a day??

I was cooking dinner when he came to tell me something ninja/ black ops related, when I smelled it again. For fucking real, unless you are sick you don't need to crap your pants 4 times in one day. I took him in the bathroom to tell him to wipe better and saw the massacre. He tried to wipe without shitter paper.

This kid for real wiped bare handed and transferred it on every open surface within reach. Holy fucking Jesus, even the fan and a half and half bleach solution didn't calm the storm. I asked him what in the fuck possessed him to not use the toilet paper? He said his dad said not to waste it. Really, I'm not asking you to mummify your hand for every wipe, but at least make an attempt to clean that ass. This kid will without a doubt will ruin my liver...

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