Saturday, July 14, 2012

Looking forward to Walmart- that bad

Sleepovers suck, they just do. The new kid riles up your kid and they all irritate the siblings which in turn make you want to lock yourself in the closet and drink.

The sleepover kid was like a yappy dog, loud and jumping everywhere. I had extra kids all week, a few too many for my liking. I was so looking forward to a quiet weekend with just the 5 of mine. Well, the hubs okayed a sleepover and somehow the teenager got a babysitting job- at my house. It all works out, right?

The kids made my otter box their bitch, really screwed it up in just from dropping. The otter box couldn't hold on for another minute so I had to get a new one. I was excited to go to Walmart, for real, the crap that was going on at that house I didn't need to witness- my liver couldn't handle it.

Walmart is always a fun place to go *sarcasm*. I had 5 with me, he's 3. We picked out a case and went for the wine aisle- I had every intention to take a bottle of the Mad Housewife into the closet. We were walking to the aisle and I saw a young man with a tear drop tattoo, hmmm- I not totally knowing his intention with said tatoo backed away. As he passed by me ! noticed right past his 15 sizes too large sagging pants lied an ankle monitor. Yep, you're cool at "the walmarts" showing off your flashy criminal bling. At that point alcohol was much less important that not being sliced up and stuffed into his oversized shorts, the kid and I walked quickly.

As we were leaving we saw the cart guy, we're regulars and it's hard to avoid him. He is nice enough. The cart wrangler has informed me when my kids were acting like asshats every family is dysfunctional and filled me in on his- we The Cleaver's in comparison. We pass him and he comes over to talk, 5 immediately says "my mom says I can't talk to the crazies around here anymore". Little shit blew our "busy" cover and busted out the truth.

The cart guy probably isn't crazy, well yeah he kind of is. The guy dresses more homeless than I do and I'm fairly certain his showers are limited to once monthly. He always gives the kids high fives and smiles, truly it's incredibly sweet. But the gingivitis emanating from his grill is just too much for one mom to take. For the irrational fear that gum disease and tooth rot are contagious and that body odor makes me dry heave, we avoid the poor guy.

Anyway I bought a Belkin case- we'll see how long it takes for the kids to dominate this shit.

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