Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Try again,son...I dare you

So my teenage daughter has a boyfriend, I wasn't exactly thrilled but decided to meet him at the park with the daughter and my other 4 kids. The middle boy(#4), nicely put is a spit fire, walks right up to him with his bad ass swagger and immediately tells the boy, "my dad has a shotgun for your ass", one might have chosen to discipline, not I, maybe he's scared away easily by crazy??? The littlest boy(#5) says in his wanna be bad ass tone " if you mess with my dister I'm going to punch you in the face and kick you in the balls." Honestly this is a huge step up from the oldest younger brother(#3), who the first time a boy showed up at the house answered the door with a baseball bat "ready to play some ball", and the middle boy acting like he was befriending him and pissed on his leg- it took 3 years for another boy to attempt our house, obviously word stopped getting around...

Back to the "new boy", I heard from a pint sized informant that the said boy had been to the house while I was gone for only a few minutes- I knew this one was trouble... so I knocked on a few doors asked some questions and found out where he was, so I took all the kids including the offending girl and confronted him, embarrassed the shit out of my daughter, telling him it wasn't hard to find him and if I ever find him or even think he was there without me I will find him and make him look me in the eye and tell me what he said, did, or wanted to do with my daughter. He looked unimpressed I responded with I have 5 kids I am probably already certifiable, I will show up at your mom's house, your grandma's house, your church and tell them what you were doing, remember I'm crazy and not at all afraid of public humiliation in the name of my children...Honestly I thought he was gone for good, no such luck...

So that brings us to last night, the daughter was acting shady- somehow I just knew something was going on, and the fact that #3 child said he saw her outside at 3 am the other night... So the hubs and I devised a plan.. I pretended to sleep on the couch, she looked at me for an hour I swear before I heard the door, I went to get the hubs, she is busted!!! Me, I would've went bat shit crazy yelling or called the police, the hubs had a better idea... He snuck up behind them and hit the metal part on our trampoline with a bat and yelled "get the fuck outta here", needless to say they were scared shitless and ran like girls trying to save themselves from a spider... I called the sister to talk to mom who was screaming profanities for waking her up until I told her the happenings of the evening..The only thing that was said to the daughter " I think your boyfriend left a pile of shit in the driveway you're gonna need to get up early and pick that up"..

These boys were totally unimpressive... I expected tires slashed, the house tp'd, or slices of bologna on the doors, and I thought this character had some spunk :)

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