Sunday, June 24, 2012

Random quotes of the day..

My kids are seriously a preschool version of the Kardashians. They say what they want and act like they are drunk at a club at 9 am, on kool-aide. So here are just a few tidbits of our crazy rockin party life.

We went to #4 end of season party for baseball, for one of his two teams.
Most of these peeps don't talk to the regular folk- the ones who buy their clothes from target ( or clothes from the good will that are target brand-whatevs or actually raise their own kids and actually interact without the nanny or a cell phone being the middleman). Oops, there's me going off on a tangent. Seriously, some people just can't be dealt with sober. I brought beer and shared with the ones who's kid don't make me want to stab my eardrums out because of their endless whining. My kids were fairly decent and I didn't have to punch a bitch for saying something about my 3 year old pirate ( that story will come when I can come to terms with my toothless child or I can track down a dentist to make a denture for my kid). I call that outing a success.

After the party is when it all came out... Number #3 and I were sitting in the backyard watching #4 go ballistic with the hose on the weeds, kid's bazaar don't ask. Out of nowhere he stands up pulls down the back of his pants and says" I gotta air these muthafs out", this is the kid who got the portrait of character award at school. Obviously he's had some folks fooled.

Number 4 was pulling weeds and collecting them in a bag, well he had about 17 ready for action. Number #1 said "really, your collecting weeds?". I left my filter with my 2nd beer and said "at least he's not smoking them" #1 laughed and the conversation went on to her father's baseball game earlier today and how she smelled skunk from some boys on the road passing by " and we all know those dumbasses weren't skunks"... My kid is awesome!!! If you don't think so click that little X in the top right corner and carry on. She is so against drugs and I love it!!!

After #1 moved on and went in #2 came out to hang, she quiet and socially awkward- I worry about her but, she hilarious in her own way. She was going on about how she drew a face on her balloon and named it after her best friend, I said " that's not weird". She immediately came back with " you had an imagination once" a I asked when? She replied with " when you were making 5 kids", I left it at well played kid, well played.

Number 1 has a thing for the Kardashians, it's probably not age appropriate but I would rather her get her drama fix from a tv show than real life, and its not Hannah fucking Montana so I can deal with watching it. That turd said I am a mix of the Kardashian mom and Amy Duncan(Good luck Charlie). I watched for a minute and couldn't bear to discipline because she's a little dead on, except I wear pajamas and dress like the goodwill is going out of style- and not in the good way( like it ever could be).

I went inside and the hubs decided to do some fireworks in the back while the cops were at the school directly behind our house. He proceeded to say he had to go to work and laugh with his annoying tigger laugh, and left. He is an ass, he knows how well I deal with cops. I've been "ma'am'd" more times than I would like to remember over not having trash can lids, being loud after 10, random kids running away to my house and whatnot.

That was less than 4 hours of crazy randomness in my day, handpicked for your enjoyment. I may only have 1 follower but obviously word gets around because I was told I was a disappointment and not an appropriate spokesperson for large families... You haven't arrived until you have hate mail:) My kids may say crazy shit at home but in public all but one I am complemented on, and that kid just points out the truth... Suck that mom of 14 bazillion kids who's entertainment is a chair in which they must sit in all day and read the bible. We play in mud and bullshit and really have a great time, enjoy your wooden chair- bitch...

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