Thursday, June 7, 2012

Life Lesson: Never Go to the Park Alone

I always have a great time with my kiddos at the park, they can run and play and I can sit and relax, until the crazies come along, this time it wasn't my kid- sort of.

When going to a playground it is advisable to bring an adult friend so the crazies won't invade your space.I didn't take my own advice, so today was no exception. I tried to look busy taking pictures but she wouldn't let up. We all run into a weirdo here or there, it keeps life interesting, and most of the time you can smile and nod and they go away....Except the Crazy Mom, she is the one who wears PJ's to the park,( walmart is fine for PJ's, you have to fit in and all) somehow forgets to close the latch on her nursing bra and has some unidentifiable substance streaked on her neck. Anyway, The Crazy Mom goes on and on about how the baby doesn't sleep and how her other kid on the playground is a serial biter. I look up and he's next to #4, this is really bad. If that serial biter sinks his teeth into the kid next to him without a doubt #4 will throw him off the playset and wrangle him  military style.

I listened for a while longer, trying to do hard math problems in my head to appear to be concentrating on her woes. I try to be a good person, attempt to be sympathetic but it took every ounce of restraint I had to keep from screaming GOOD GOD WOMAN, I HOPE THAT DIAPER BAG COMES WITH AN OPEN BAR BECAUSE I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT SOBER...

Fortunately, the kiddos found a drainage pipe and #3 got stuck ( for a minute) and as I was pulling him out I fell back onto a piece of chewed gum. I guess after seeing the other kids laughing and attempting to pants the stuck kid and me trying to pull my kid out of the pipe with a piece of gum caked to my ass she gave up and left. If the only thing I teach my daughters in life is to never be that Crazy Mom, I've served my purpose as a parent.

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