Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The end of Wenus...

Today was a day full of injuries and stupidity, it was also the day of Wenus's demise. Obviously that damn fish liked the liquor a little much and drank himself to death... He lived here for about 4 hours and could take no more, sounds about right.

Upon seeing the demise of Wenus, I decided to drink some coffee and hope they don't notice and sp I can flush the lush later. They were too busy to notice, using the living room as their personal Chuck E Cheese. 3 was throwing a baseball against the firplace and diving to catch it- along with complete commentation, of course. 5 had  leftover pizza jumping on the couch and 4 doing some "top secret ninja move", screaming ookawza. Thank god it was top secret.  I can't watch a bone be broken by ridiculousness until after noon and I had to leave the sound effects stat. Well 4 stole my coffee, of course, and then tried to make more along with his jock informant telling him how to do it.

I found some coffee spilled on the floor- do they not understand the only way this shit functions is caffeine and adrenaline? " I said someone needs to clean this up". Immediately there was a choir of "not it". I don't think they realize that this is not a fucking game of tag and one of those shits are gonna take care of that.

I walk upstairs to my room and see the bathroom door is shut and and heard 4 jumping around like he won the lottery along with an evil laugh, damn it he locked the door.  I grabbed an earring and picked the lock. I looked around and saw no immediate evidence sitting around. I'm sure some sort of evil lottery went on because I smell shaving cream and I don't see it, hmm... I should probably worry, but since I really didn't want to see it I didn't check the cabinets or ceilling. The ceilling is most worrysome, that kid can make a ladder out of anything and fuck some shiz up quick.  I really should limit that kid's bathroom time. I'm thinking that is where he devises the majority of his off the wall stunts or I could teach him to read..eh, teaching him to read will take too long.

I hear 5 saying "no guys, don't torture me", only to find him on his back with his hands and legs bound with shoestrings. For fucking real guys, the kid is a god damn pirate you can't torture him- he's already walking around with a hole in his face...give him a break! So  I am now off  to search out the pair of shoes the laces belong to.

During one of the many wrestling competetions, 4 was jumping on 3.  3 saw the dirty move coming and moved, needless to say 4's tooth, that was hanging on by a thread, was lost to the couch. Got that all cleaned up and told them to play baseball outside. I just needed a minute. I wanted to pee without company, to drink my cold coffee without it being nabbed or spilled by the short ones. That dream didn't last long. Apparently 3 tagged 4 out ON THE NOSE, causing blood to fly out everywhere. 4 decided to share the love spreading blood throughout the house flinging blood on the walls and floor- and again I'm afraid to look up. Logic tells me I don't want to see it.

This was just a few of our shenanigans of the day. Tonight is a sleep over and tomorrow half the kiddos go to the dentist. I secretly hope one of them bite him and the other pees on his carpet, since he won't give my pirate a baby denture. Number 4 doesn't have an appointment so the entertainment level will be low.

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