Monday, June 25, 2012

Discipline by Beiber

Number 1 informed me the kids were bad for grandma... At least they don't discriminate.

I was informed they threw rocks at their sister hitting grandma in the car. They broke a shower head and stole uncle and possibly aunt's (if they don't scare her off) cigarettes and spread them throughout the yard.

I asked No.5 what he did and he replied " I threw a baseball at unlce's wenus", at least the kid was honest.

Grandma obviously wasn't too pissed, so I thought, because she purchased them a fish- they named Wenus. I'm trilled at the name choice, by the way. But I called her to confirm the story and she didn't answer- I take that as a bad sign.

As we were driving home they were fighting in the car and acting like total jackasses. This is where Number one informed me of their brattiness. As I was turning around yelling at them to stop fighting I almost hit blind Santa in a crossing guard vest, where #4 said " don't worry mom, I got this" and proceeded to open his door. Thank God he isn't quick because he totally would've door checked blind Santa.

While at home the madness continued, and I opened a beer. As I was breaking up a fight # 4 decided Wenus needed a drink also.

At this point I decided it was time... Yep I did it, I put on Justin Beiber. Punishment by Beiber only happens on rare occasions but obviously today it was warranted. Since I'm not into beating the shit out of kids Beiber is like the ultimate punishment around here. No 4 was screaming as though I beat him while hitting the tv. I thought just the Today Show recorded concert would be enough, not so much. Number 4 was so mad he thought it would be a good idea to piss on the floor, as he was cleaning up his mess I decided Beiber just wasn't enough so I googled the lyrics- I totally went there. I put on my show singing and dancing and informed the brats that I was downloading it to my iPhone and would break out in awful song and dance whenever I felt necessary.
Number 4 eventually had enough, cried and apologized and said with extreme dramatic effect" please don't do that to me again, you ruined my life..I swear on my ninja suit, I'll behave". That shits big time...

I admit I punish my kids with Justin Beiber, I have no shame. I wish that kid and I could be friends and I could just call him up and say hey beebs they're being asshats again, how about a living room concert? That would never happen cause the poor beebs would leave this place and hit a bar, tarnishing his rep FOREVER.

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